


This Is Not A Way To Live. This Is A Way To Die.

by MissAishi



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Decisions, Bad Flirting, Blood and Injury, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, Graphic Description, Hardcore, Heroin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recovery, Rude-centric, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Substance Abuse, Violence, Vomiting, april is a bitch au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-11-24 08:10:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18163031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAishi/pseuds/MissAishi
Summary: Heroin addict, Lizzie Ryan, is taken to the Lair after Donatello discovers she's a drug abuser and tries his best to help her beat her addiction. But the more he tries, the more he realizes this is going to be much harder than he originally believed. Will he be able to save her? Or will the golden drug steal her life and send her to an early grave?





	1. The Last Time, She Says

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not very sure how heroin feels. So if I messed it up, please don't hesitate to correct me. I'll fix it immediately. But I hope you like it...

The street clock read 3:09 AM. The lights were dimly lighting the streets but the lights in the alleyway flickered like crazy, many moths confusingly flying head first into the flickering bulbs and then flapping it's crooked wings to fly into a more sturdy light source.

The dumpsters around in the alleyway were large, box shaped containers covered in sewage sludge and a deep blue color, like that somehow makes them more appealing for people to leave their homes and dump their waste into them.

 _Drip. Drip. Drip._ The noise of a leak on the underside of the dumpster was the only noise in the alley way besides the cars speeding by every once in a while, the occasional shouts, a gunshot every half hour, and police sirens in the far off distance. The noise, to any other person, would be constantly annoying and irritating. _Drip. Drip. Drip._

But not to her. She hardly even noticed the noise from her place on the ground, her hands trembling, and her skin feeling coarse and like there was something crawling underneath it. With everything she was currently feeling, the noise was nothing.

 _Drip. Drip. Drip._ Her fingers shook violently as she gripped the leather belt in her hands, wrapping it tightly around her arm and pulling on it as much as she could. Her hands shook like a leaf and she stopped her motion, shook them out in the air, and gripped the belt again. _Drip. Drip. Drip._

Slowly, the itching stopped around her arm and she reached down to grasp the medical device that rested on her thigh. The pointy needle glinted in the moonlight and she held out her arm, pushing down on the plunger and seeing the small amount of yellow liquid oozing from the needle. _Drip. Drip. Drip._

A hiccup bubbled from her throat as she pressed the needle against her muscle on her bicep and slowly pushed the needle in where the rest of the track scars were so badly on display as her arm began to change colors. A few tears slipped passed her eyes and splattered into the puddle next to her.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Minutes went by, but only a few. She looked at the clock again, her vision fuzzy. 3:12 AM.

It was then that she felt a sudden rush of pleasure flood through her body and she let out a quick sigh of relief, removing the syringe and tossing it over her shoulder into the high up dumpster and loosening the belt from her arm. And by then, she didn't even hear the noise.

 _Drip. Drip. Drip._ It faded away like the itching. Like her fear. Like her pain. It was completely gone from her sights, just like the flickering lights on the wall.

“This is the last time...” She always told herself this. Every. Other. Damn. Day. Every other day she found herself here. Her hands biting into that belt, her fingers shaking like she has Parkinson's disease, her skin crawling like there are ants living under her flesh, her eyes bulging from her sickly, hollowed skull like they could fall out if she looked up.

She always believes this will be the last time. That she will finally see a doctor. That she can afford her methadone. But damn it, it never ends up that way. The sweet, sweet drug that calls her name is more precious to her than the $300 that she could be spending to get clean.

It started with alcohol; the dark, strong liquor that made her dizzy and giggle every night after a hard day at work. But soon, everybody told her that she smelled like a dumpster fire; that she looked green around the gills when she would show up for her daily shift in the kitchens. So she looked for something better; something... Longer lasting than a sour drink that left her breath smelling like rotting meat.

She found that Marijuana was very easy to come by in her apartment complex. All those nights of complaining about the rank smelling teens in the lobby were far behind her. She joined them on the streets, accepting the roach when it was passed to her. It was thicker than a cigarette, but far less unappetizing, considering it was just a medical plant and not dried out tobacco, mixed with dangerous chemicals, like the pheromones put into bug spray.

Weed was a comforting change... But her clothes soon reeked. And her eyes became bloodshot. She asked the teens on the sidewalk how to make it stronger for her... They suggested a different type of weed, which didn't help. But soon, one suggested heroin.

“That ain't like a flu shot, honey,” The man holding a bag halfway up his sleeve held out his hand for the crisp, hard $50 in her pale, pink painted nailed hand. “This is strong, hardcore shit you're messin' with.”

“Are you a drug dealer or a counselor? Give me the damn needles or you don't get my money.”

The gruff bearded man rolled his eyes and ripped the bill from her hand before handing over the brown, paper bag. She accepted it and immediately went back to her apartment, hiding the baggie in her own sleeve as she pressed the key into her doorknob and twisted it to the left.

Once she was in, there was no getting out.

The first dose was so sweet... It felt familiar to the afterglow of a mind-shattering orgasm, which she has only had a real handful of in her life. It felt like a floating, glowing feeling and she loved it. Never wanted to live without it again. She thought it would last for so long... But by the nest morning, realization came crashing down on her.

Her skin felt dry and itchy. Her mouth was dry, begging for water. Her muscles ached and screamed as she attempted to do the simplest of tasks. It was almost like the feeling she felt the night before was a complete lie.

So, she did it again. And again. And again. Until a bundle of scars collected on her arm and at her wrists. Her coworkers noticed. They noticed how her hands were lax on the whisk, how she would drop full trays of baked goods and then start snorting afterwards. They noticed how she spent many extra minutes in the bathroom before her break and well after it was over. And when she went in, she looked wide eyed and squirrely. But when she left, she looked dazed, happy, and even disturbingly pleased.

Nobody was happy when they found her in the back of the meat-locker with a syringe plunged deep into her vein and her eyes rolling back like she was attempting to dislodge them from her skull.

She was hauled out by the owner, tossed into the back of the alley and her belongings were thrown at the back of her head. She was too doped out of her brains to realize that she had just been fired and threatened to be arrested if she returned. She was laying in a puddle, laughing like an idiot as her ribs had been bruised by the toss. Scrapes littered her cheeks as she rolled over and stared up at the sky, the twinkling stars seeming so close that if she reached out, she could keep one in her pocket forever.

So here she was. Alone. In a backwards alley, and wishing she knew better but not willing to give up the honey gold liquid any time soon. Even if she knew she said it was the last time, she knew in her heart that she never wanted to live without this high.

She peered up at the clock: 3:21 AM.

_Drip. Drip Drip._

“What the fuck?” It was like that noise was very new to her. Her eyes bugged and she reached for a bent, out of shape pipe, and held it above her head, her weak arms no longer trembling but her face becoming quickly matted with sweat.

She jumped to her feet, stumbling a bit as if she was pushed by an unknown force, and quickly spun around, swinging the pipe wildly, hoping to strike something that obviously was not there. The squeaks of rats and the shifting of trash in the dumpsters had her very much on edge. She let out a loud shout of fear.

“ _Hey! Heeey!_ ” She screamed desperately to attempt to frighten off her invisible assailant. It was like, something in the back of her mind itched, like someone was out to get her. So she screamed, swung the pipe, and hoped it would scare off the person. Her muscles screamed as she eventually let loose the pipe and it flew from her grasp, clattering to the stone and rolling away from her.

“Fuck this!” She ran from the back alley and stumbled into the streets, her feet almost forgetting how to be feet as she jerked herself towards the road. Many people watched her; like she was some zombie that had just crawled from a 200 year old grave and her skin was rotting off.

A giggle rumbled from her throat as little prickles raced up her spine and she stumbled, nearly tripping over the manhole cover. It felt like the world was spinning and she was a giggling mess, her eyes clouding over a little bit.

“Fuck me,” She muttered a little as she rubbed her arm that was becoming slightly sore. But as she rubbed her arm, she was completely oblivious to her current position... In the middle of the fucking road.

Her feet scuffed over the fading yellow lines as she wiggled herself into limping off, following a path like it was an autopilot command. She was tired. Her head felt heavy. And she had to take a bad shit. But she kept walking down the street.

It wasn't long till she found herself pushing the gas station door open. She shoved her petite hands into the chest of a random patron in the station and he spewed curse words at her. She didn't care. She stumbled into the bathroom, barely locking the door in time before her jeans hit the floor and she settled onto the toilet seat.

She spent about 20 minutes in there before a flush could be heard and she rinsed her hands in the sink, scrubbing like a weak, tiny child who didn't understand why they needed to use soap when washing their hands. It took her 4 whole minutes to be satisfied with the lack of soap. She wiped them down the front of her shirt, creating wet lines down her chest and stomach as she stumbled out of the building, slamming her knee into the newspaper dispenser and swearing louder than anybody has heard that night.

But the pain vanished almost as soon as it became known. So she limped away into the dark, her leg now feeling as heavy as her skull.

Strutting back into the middle of the road, finding that following the solid yellow lines make it easier to walk. Her fingers curled into her palms, her arms flexing a little and her veins bulging from her skin, she spun around in a circle, swinging her fist at the air to attempt to hit someone she thought could be following her. But was only met with open air.

“Y-Yeah, you better run!” She snarled into the nothingness as she stopped and saw her untied shoe. Kneeling down a little, she fumbled with the ties a little and crossed her fingers slightly, struggling with the knot and the bow before finally giving up and pulling them as tight as possible, tucking them into the side of her shoes.

So she continued on, the shoe now slipping off her heel, and her stomach now empty.

As she limped down the streets, there was a very unfamiliar rumbling down from behind her. She let out an ungodly shout of anger and her hands went for a nearby dumpster lid. It was heavy, metallic, and could very well hurt any human if hit hard enough with it. She held it tight like a large Frisbee, ready to strike on something that could be hunting her.

But soon, the bright lights of a large, speedy vehicle was coming for her. She was ignorant to the danger; absolutely oblivious to the risk. So she began swinging it like a heavy sword, determined to hurt the large barreling vehicle coming for her at an alarmingly fast pace.

But the outcome was not what she believed it was. When the large piece of machinery hit her, she went flying across the pavement and sliding over the gravelly streets. Her arm snapped on impact, her brain rattled in her skull, and her insides felt like a pile of mush. When her head hit the ground, she was out cold. It was almost a ghost pain to her.

But she remembers waking up in arms... Big, strong, solid arms. It smelled bad, worse than the vomiting she would do almost every few days in the morning like a ritual. Her whole body hurt and her high was gone. The itching had returned and her heart started clenching in her chest.

Faint, soft voices could be heard but she seemed to be fading out once again, realizing that if she slept, maybe she could escape the drop. Maybe... Just maybe... She could dream, like she used to years ago.

The last thing she could hear, was the very familiar sound of her blood hitting the water below her body wherever she was being held...  _Drip. Drip. Drip._

  
  


 


	2. She Needs Help, He Says

It was just like any other patrol night: inform his brothers of their route, tell them to stay in the shadows, help civilians, keep the peace of the city. It should have been like any other damn night, so why did this have to happen?

The blue masked teen saw it in slow motion through the glass in front of him... A psycho female human swinging a trash can lid in the direction of the now-road bound subway car. He couldn't hit the breaks fast enough and his oversized foot slipped off the gas and in between the two pedals on the floor, hitting solid metal. The hiccup in his footing resulted in the slam into the crazy female.

Her blond hair was now matted in mud and street water. Her hollow cheeks were covered in tiny scrapes from the asphalt. Her petite, bone thin arm had snapped like a twig, the bone protruding through the skin. Her clothes had been ragged and hung loose on her very thin form. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. She was hurt; badly.

On a lack of judgment, or maybe it was guilt, the teen stumbled out of the car and to the injured woman who was completely out of it.

“Donnie! Help!” His voice was cracking in fear, under pressure and uncertainty. The one he called for raced out of the car doors and to his side to tend to the injured female.

“This is bad, this is really, really bad...” The scaly like skin crossed over her pale, soft skin. The three fingers on each hand were trembling with terror as Donnie carefully lifted her up and gazed down at her snapped arm. His fingertips ghosted over the bone that was poking under the skin and a chill raced down his spine.

Leo scooted backwards and held his head in his hands as a wave of realization came crashing down on him. He almost killed someone... An innocent human being.

Before long, two others that resembled the other two came to her aide.

“We need to take her to a hospital,” The one with the red mask spoke gruffly.

But Donnie spoke immediately. “No.”

They all looked confused by his declaration until he lifted her arm, the one that wasn't snapped, and turned her limb over to reveal the track marks peppering all over her flesh. “They'll arrest her...” Almost as if on cue, there was a little clinking noise and Donnie looked down, seeing a vial slip from out of her jean pocket. He carefully lifted it up and looked at it in the light. It was a gold liquid, one that he recognized almost immediately from all the medical studies he's done. They would arrest her for possession of a controlled substance and reckless endangerment... And who know what other kind of criminal record she had?

It was like he was suffocating. Leo felt like he couldn't breathe. Not only had he hit someone, he hit a drug addict? This couldn't possibly get any worse.

Her skin looked more like a suit rather than a cover of her muscle. It was droopy and sickly looking, her cheeks sunken in and her ribs visible even through the dirty tank top she wore. Her hip bones were protruding outwards and it was almost revolting... She was so skinny... She could have died with that hit.

“What should we do, Donnie?” The little one that was very curious about her and why she looked so awful was looking at the older one who was deep in thought.

“We can care for her back in the lair...”

“We're bringing a druggie home with us?”

“She needs serious help and if we take her to a hospital, the police will take her away as soon as she recovered! She needs our help...”

The little one was in agreement with him. The muscular one was very sour about this idea. But the driver of the huge vehicle seemed to be in a trance-like state instead of listening. So when he saw Donnie lift the tiny woman into his arms and carry her into the car, he followed immediately.

Leo didn't drive. He sat on the edge of the floor next to the female who was laying on the heavy, metal flooring. The muscular brother was entrusted to drive back home.

It was then that the woman stirred a little. Her eyes started twitching, her long eyelashes fluttering up and down as she looked around, her eyes darting faster than speeding bullets and she looked at Leo who was terrified of her reaction. But she said nothing. Nor did she move.

She just stared at him... And then, her eyes rolled back and she was out once again.

When the Shellraiser passed down through the concrete and down into the abandoned subway tracks, Leo picked up the injured human into his arms and started muttering to himself in terror.

“Sensei will understand... Sensei will understand...” he said it over and over again, like reciting a spell.

Her head hung down low behind her shoulders and her short blond hair waved a little as Leo took every nervous step into their home.

As he was walking passed a piece of glass, he saw a faint shimmer of himself in the reflection. His green skin was unusually paler than normal. His bright blue eyes were cloudy and nearly steel gray, clearly from being near tears all night long. His bright, brown plastron continued to rise and fall with every heavy-lead breath he took. His wrappings felt like they weighed 100 pounds each, his pads constricting to an uncomfortable rate. He felt like he was suffocating and expanding all at the same time. His chest felt tight, like he couldn't breathe properly, even though he met no resistance with any of his inhales and exhales.

This must have been a minor panic attack. He hasn't felt one since he was a little hatchling... What the hell had come over him?

“Leo!” It was then that he knew he was being called. He turned to see Donnie snapping his fingers in front of his face, his dark brown eyes burning with determination and a familiar irritation that he has come to know very well.

“What?!” His voice snapped, even with that simple one syllable word.

“Bring her into the lab, Leo. Then we need to tell Splinter.”

Oh... Splinter. He just knew what would happen after that.

Leo immediately took the female to the lab that Donnie spoke of. Donnie rummaged through a box before removing a large blanket and laying it down on the table. He instructed his brother to lay the female down, which is what he did, gently pulling her long bangs out of her face and noting how her body was shaking and she was sweating like crazy. Donnie got another blanket and laid it down on the chair behind him before looking over her body.

His strong, three fingered hands were perfect for what he was about to do. He pulled on her arm that was snapped and bent at a bad angle and realigned the bone inside her. He held her arm together as gently as he could, noting that all she did was flinch slightly and not make more moves other than that.

“Leo, I need a splint.” He declared from his brother. He immediately began searching around and found a heavy, old bo staff of his that was snapped in half. He returned with a roll of gauze and held it out for his brother.

Donnie accepted the material and wrapped the broken wooden stick in a separate gauze wrap to avoid splinters on her purple skin and rested it just next to her arm. He immediately wrapped the short stick to her arm to keep it in place so it didn't move around at all. After the bone was aligned properly and splinted, he assessed the rest of her injuries. Bruised ribs, malnourished, sickly cold, shivers, sweating, twitching...

“She's using heroin, I can tell... This kind of reaction only comes from that.” He concluded that as he sees the holes on her wrist and rubs them thoughtfully.

“What can we do?” Leo seemed desperate to help.

“She needs morphine. And methadone. And to eat. She doesn't look good... at all.”

“Is she gonna be okay?” The little, bright green turtle peeked in through the doors and looked at the female on the table who was shaking like crazy.

“She's gonna be fine, Mikey.” Donnie was lying because, in truth, he didn't know if she was gonna be okay. This wasn't like fighting ninjas, or stopping aliens. This was a real life issue that needed psychological help... And Donnie wasn't sure how he or anybody could handle it.

Leo was stalling, everybody knew that. He had to tell his father what happened... and who they brought home.

But one look from Donnie was all it took. The leader stood up, his blue mask tails whipping as he turned around and trudged into the familiar dojo. He looked around for a split second and spied his master, the giant rodent, on his knees in front of the shrine. The frame on the stand pictured a human male and a human female, clearly Japanese, and a little baby in the woman's arms. There was a candle lit and a stick of incense was burning slowly, the small trail of smoke was swirling in the air.

“Sensei?”

“You are troubled, my son.” The rat's voice was deep, melodic, and stern. His eyes hadn't even opened. He could sense the disdain in his son's voice.

“I... I did something horrible, Sensei... I'm so sorry,” He knelt down next to his father and bowed his head, tears threatening to slip free from his eyes.

The rat pulled from his meditation state and stood up, his pawed like feet flexing outwards and he bowed down to look at his son a little closer. Something was definitely wrong here, Leo never cried like this. He was always so calm and sincere. But this was completely new.

“What has happened?”

Leo bit the inside of his cheek and considered his words, very carefully. It felt like minutes, digging into his brain and thinking hard, but it was only mere seconds of thinking. He opened his mouth, but stuttered on his words.

So he stopped, and reassessed, and spoke again. “I hit someone with the Shellraiser. I tried to stop, I really tried, but my foot slipped! And I couldn't stop in time... I hurt her, Sensei. I hurt an innocent person... Donnie is trying to help her but... Oh God, what have I done?” His breath hitched in his chest and his lungs felt tight all over again. It was the panic attack, coming back in full force and hitting him like a train.

“Leonardo, calm yourself. Breathe, my son... Breathe,” Splinter knelt down and placed his hand on the turtle's shoulder. Slow breaths left his mouth and he nodded, trying his best to labor his breathing.

“She's... She's sick, Sensei... Really, really sick.”

“Sick how, my son?”

Leo bit his lip and his fingers twitched slightly. “She's... A drug addict, Sensei.”

The words echoed in the rodent's ears like a loud explosion. He immediately stood to his feet and walked to Donatello's lab with a sense of confidence that was very hard to come by nowadays. He pushed into the lab where he was met with the sight of Donnie looking over the very sickly looking woman, his hands shaking a little as he felt down her left calf to make sure there were no broken bones in her leg.

“Donatello,” The teenage turtle stopped and jumped at attention. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Sensei! It's uh... hard to explain,” Donnie rubbed the back of his neck and gently reached down, rubbing at her track scars a little and frowning. “She's a heroin addict. And she needs our help...”

“She needs a human doctor, Donatello. She needs a hospital. You must take her to the surface.”

“Sensei, wait!” Donnie reached out. “She could be arrested! Or hurt! Or hurt and arrested! We need to help her! We're the ones that injured her, we need to fix our mistake! We- no, I need to help her!”

Splinter stopped in his tracks and listened a little harder to his other son's demands. It was not unreasonable for him to want to help her after she was injured by them, but there was something deeper behind all of this. Donnie wanted to help her addiction...

Splinter knew how drug users can be. Most are violent, angry, and horrible people with no regards for themselves, or other living creatures. But on the off-chance that they are decent people, they tend to be scared, cautious humans, like little bunnies in a cage.

“Donatello... I fear we do not have the materials needed to help this woman,” He admitted to his son.

“Please, sensei, let me at least try!” His voice cracked and he seemed desperate to say anything to change Splinter's mind.

The rat sighed a little and gave a simple, curt nod. “Very well. Do what you must. But Donatello... Do not hold it against yourself if you cannot help her.”

Donnie was too determined to ever give up. He quickly raced to the cabinet where he kept medical supplies. He removed the syringe from one of the drawers that contained a clear liquid and raced back to the woman's side. He tapped the syringe a little and pressed the needle into her vein at the bend of her elbow and injected it into her body. Almost instantly, her shivers ceased and she grew quiet once again. Donnie discarded the needle.

After another examination, he pressed his fingers to her neck to test her pulse. It was soft, slow, but that must be from the morphine.

A little noise escaped her throat and she slowly began to twitch a little. Donnie reached for the blanket and pulled it over her body around her neck. He looked down just as he saw her eyes flutter open. They were bloodshot, glossy, and a dull shade of green. Her face grew pale as she looked at Donnie, her eyes fluttering and struggling to stay open.

“W-Where 'm I... S'this a dream...” Her words were slurred and weak, her eyelids heavy and weak.

“You're safe, miss... I promise, I just want to help you...”

“Y'ur a turrle...” A little giggle rumbled from her throat as she reached up with her uninjured hand and bopped her fingertips on his snout. Donnie looked down at her hand, going cross eyed for a second and his face littered with pure confusion. “Hehe... Scaly.”

“Do you have a name?” Donnie said quickly, knowing she wasn't going to be awake for much longer as the morphine was starting to take a stronger effect.

“Lizzie... Name's Lizzie, missster,” She muttered a little and her head drooped to the side a little, a small amount of drool dripping from the corner of her lips.

“It's okay, Lizzie. I'm going to help you, I promise...” He watched as she slowly fell back asleep. “I promise...”

  
  


 


	3. Initial Shock Therapy

Oh, it hurt. Everything hurt. Her muscles were screaming in protest as her senses returned at a snail's pace. Her fingers twitched involuntarily, her feet shook slightly, and her sweating became almost unbearable.

Her eyes attempted to focus to the soft light and she looked around a little, seeing a green figure to the side of her. It was... That turtle from her dream. Or... Not a dream, after all. A very real reality to her instead that this creature was very much alive and not a drug hallucination. It's not like she dropped acid, of course, so seeing things like giant, talking turtles wasn't usually what she would see.

He was sleeping. In his hand, there was a device that beeped softly, a green light illuminating over his left arm. On his face, a purple mask was obscuring his eyes a little bit. But it seemed to fit him like a second skin, like he wouldn't be complete without it. His mouth was parted a little and she could see the gap in his teeth.

She sucked in a hard breath and then felt her stomach flip. The familiar feeling stirring in her intestines was very, very heart wrenching. But she couldn't avoid this any longer. She rolled to the left of her, facing away from the giant turtle, and emptied her stomach contents onto the floor with a loud, horrid retching noise. But there was no food in her stomach, only bile and stomach acid. So an ugly brown puddle splattered to the floor.

Donnie jerked forward immediately as he heard her become violently sick. He jumped up and was at her side, gently placing his hand at the middle of her back.

The sickness was soon over and she flopped onto her back, shivering like crazy as she looked up at him.

“W-Who are you?” She was much more coherent now, and Donnie knew that he couldn't just give her more painkillers and drugs or it wouldn't help her in any way, it would just leave her in a comatose state.

“My name's Donnie. And I just want to help you,” He spoke firmly, but was actually terrified.

Lizzie nodded gently. “Okay... Okay...” She agreed to the help, knowing that she needed something like this. Something like help. It was hitting her hard; the withdrawals. At the moment, she wanted her honey. Her sweet, sweet narcotic that can once again, make her feel normal. Or... Whatever normal felt like anymore to her.

Her stomach tightened up a little at the thought of it. The thought that she could be very far away from her stash, from her drug, from her high dosages. What the hell can she do now? She didn't even know if she was still in the same city? What the hell happened?

“Do you know what happened, Lizzie?” She did tell him her name, didn't she?

“I... I don't know.” She couldn't remember. At all. Like any other high, the first half hour is always a blur. It was a good blur, forgetting life's problems and the fact that she doesn't have a job or a real home.

“You were hit by a car, ma'am.” He stated solidly. It made Lizzie dizzy to think about that. Her? Hit by a car? How high was her dose this time that she doesn't remember getting hit by a god damn car?!

“Fuck... I...is that why my arm hurts?” She lifted it up and saw the make-shift cast around her forearm and she whimpered slightly at the sight of it.

“It's broken. So be careful not to move it too much.” He spoke softly and gently pressed his fingers against her shoulder. She immediately rested her arm on the soft, little pillow that was resting under her forearm.

Her fingers began to twitch and she reached with her other hand to itch at her jaw a little, twitching even more with every passing second. Her chills returned with a vengeance. And her sweating made her skin glisten in the lights of the lab. She felt cold, so very, very cold. So she huddled a little closer to herself to keep herself warm.

“Stay here, miss.” Donnie took this opportunity to clean up her vomit, trying not to gag as he did. “Are you hungry?”

She immediately shook her head and she looked almost green, like him. It was scary just how sickly she looked, and how horridly skinny her body was. What could have possibly caused this woman to turn to one of the most dangerous drugs in the world?

Lizzie hiccuped a little and her eyes closed tight. “Fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck...” She just cursed. It was all she could think to do. The withdrawals were hitting her, and hard. Her skin felt like it was crawling, her stomach felt tight and constricted, her eyes were darting every which way to try and stop the fear that was welling inside of her chest. She didn't know what was happening... And there was nothing she could do to change her current feelings.

Her fingernails scraped over her skin with a feverish speed and she sat up right, her ribs screaming in protest. But she ignored the pain, hissed at the aches, and continued to scratch.

“Where am I? What am I doing here? Why are you a giant turtle? Whatthefuckisgoingon?!” Her voice raised a few octaves with every single sentence and Donnie seemed to flinch in response to her high pitched shrieks. But the shock was soon replaced with worry as he saw her jump up and attempt to bolt.

“Wait! Stop!” Donnie ran towards her and attempted to halt her but she was determined to get through the big, heavy laden doors. Donnie tried to grasp for a part of her body that wasn't injured but it looked like everything was in this moment. And she was so quick that when she jumped around him, he tripped and landed on his plastron with a loud cracking noise. So all he could think of was to grab her ankle, which was the worst choice he could have made.

Lizzie let out a shriek as he gripped her ankle and fell face first into the heavy door, her shoulder slamming to the metal and her brain now screaming at her. _“Nice job, dipshit.”_ Was all she could think to herself in the moment.

So Lizzie stopped struggling. She took a moment and inched back, grabbing her injured shoulder and sitting down on her butt to see the turtle now looking frantic and grabbing her uninjured arm, looking her over.

“I'm so sorry! So sorry, are you alright? Is your head okay?” He brushed her bangs away and looked at her hairline closely and she just tried not to flinch.

“This isn't real... Can't be real, maybe they arrested me and now I'm in a mental hospital and they put me on morphine that's causing hallucinations...” She muttered mostly to herself as Donnie seemed to notice just how uncomfortable she was to be looked over by a giant mutant creature. But there was nothing else he could really do.

So Donnie took a step back and waited. Waited for her to change her mind and accept his care, waited for her to calm down on her own. The minutes went on and she seemed to adjust her breathing as gently as she could with how her lungs felt like they were caving in.

“Are you okay now?” Donnie said gently. Lizzie looked up at him and her eyes were frantic and buggy but she gave a slow, precised nod as she tried to push herself up on her shaky, uneven legs. He held out his arm and she immediately grabbed his forearm and bicep, her fingernails biting into his scaly flesh.

He carefully led her back to the table, helping her sit down on the blanket, wrapping the other one around her shoulders gently. She was twitching, sweating, but shivering all at the same time.

“It hurts...” She spoke out loud. “It hurts so damn much.”

“I know, Lizzie. But I can't give you anything that wouldn't be enabling you.”

His voice was hot, thick with anger at himself as he raced around his lab and returned with a medical kit. Lizzie watched him carefully as he cracked it open and removed a sort of antibacterial cream, gently pressing his fingertip to the applicator and squeezing the tube. The white substance spread on his green finger and he reached up, gently rubbing the cream onto her cuts on her skin.

Her skin was cold to the touch, and clammy. It must be her body reacting to the lack of the heroin. Her pulse was racing faster than it has in a long time. Her stomach rumbled uncomfortably and she shifted in her spot a little, whimpering like a wounded animal as she hugged her midsection. “Fuck.”

“What is it?” Donnie seemed very receptive.

“Bathroom.” Her face was full of pure urgency. “Now!”

He didn't need to be told twice. He lifted her up off the table and wrapped her limp, free arm around his neck and carried her to where the bathroom was. Which meant pushing the door to his lab open and seeing the rest of his brothers in the pit. The TV was blaring something that they all have come to recognize.

Leo was sitting on the floor, watching his Space Heroes show while his knees were pulled up to his chest, looking more downtrodden than ever before.

Mikey was stabbing at Raph with his fingertips while he was attempting to read a comic book and at this point, got so annoyed that he held his finger against the page he was on and smacked the younger brother with the graphic novel. He reacted like he was just cut with a blade and backed off immediately.

They all looked up when they heard her stomach growling and a look of excitement crossed their features as it looked like she was alive and could be looking worse. But the thought of greeting her properly vanished as Donnie helped her into the bathroom and he was immediately shoved out of it by her hand slamming into his ridged chest and the door smacked shut behind her.

A loud string of obscenities left her mouth from inside the bathroom and Raph visibly shuddered.

“How's it going, brainless?” He spoke in a mocking tone as Donnie let out a little growl in anger.

“This isn't gonna be easy...” Was all he could say as he stood near the bathroom and listened to Lizzie curse and rage on in the room.

It felt like hours, she had been on the damn toilet. But in reality, it was only about 7 minutes. So she stood on her feet, flushed the contents down and whimpered, feeling like her guts had been completely cleaned out of anything and everything. Maybe, her guts weren't even there at all anymore.

She stepped to the sink and honestly, expected the water to be green. But it was clear, like any other tap water, and rinsed her hand that she used off. It was difficult to use the bar of soap with one hand but she managed, getting her fingertips and palm completely clean. She took the route of wiping it on her pantleg, like any other day. The once-was mirror on the wall was completely cracked, cloudy, and she couldn't see her reflection at all. She looked around the room she was in.

The bathroom was cinder blocked walls, cracked with age, and mossy. The shower in the room had a small tub nearby but no faucet. It looked like the only way to take a bath, so to speak, was to fill it up with the hose attached to the spout nearby.

A little drain on the floor of the cold concrete was evident with age. So these creatures do take showers, huh? That was good to know... For some reason.

Lizzie rubbed her upper thigh a little, shaking slightly as she opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the light, shivering at how cold it seemed to be in the place... Wherever she was.

She was then met with 4 sets of eyes, each one more different than the last. The brown, familiar eyes belonged to Donnie, the one that helped her to the bathroom and the one she can assume has been caring for her. The green, harsh ones were that Raph, a very muscular turtle, his gaze redder than his bandanna. Deep blue eyes were those of Leo, someone who looked like he had recently been crying, or was drinking. She was going to wager on the former. And sparkly blue ones belonged to Mikey, his smile and demeanor rivaling that of any human she's ever met before.

Her eyelids felt heavy, heavier than normal. So did her feet, they felt like 2 ton weights. Her whole body braced against the side of the wall and she used her free hand to itch at her neck a little.

“You-You never told me where I was,” She stuttered a little as her palms felt colder than usual.

“You're safe here, Lizzie. I promise, we're going to help you--”

“I don't need any help.” She snapped angrily, bite clear in her voice. “I'm completely capable of taking care of myself.”

“Yeah, that's why you look like shit...” Raph muttered but she still heard him, her eyes flared angrily and she wanted to jump him, to punch him. But when she attempted to move forward, it felt like her legs weren't cooperating, so all she could do was collapse onto her left knee and hiccup a little bit.

“Bastard... What do you know?” Lizzie snarked a little as she tried to stand up, her broken arm not doing her any good as she felt her ankles try to roll and give her body the rest it so deserved, wanting to stop moving and just lay down forever.

Donnie jumped up and attempted to help her to her feet. “Here, let me-”

“I said, I'm fine, damn it!” Lizzie shouted, her voice echoing off the walls. Donnie immediately stepped back and felt his own hands shake a little as he tried to resist the urge to help her anyways. Lizzie used her free hand, braced herself on her right knee, and pushed herself back up, stumbling a little.

The jeans that loosely hung around her waist started slipping down and she lifted up her shirt, exposing her jutting out ribs and almost non-existent abdomen as she tried to adjust the belt around her hips, pulling it as tight as it could go into the modified belt hole, closing it up and hiccuping slightly.

“S-See? C-Can handle it. Now, can I go home now?” She could already feel the narcotic flooding into her veins, numbing her pain and her eyes rolled back a little bit.

“N-No. You can't.”

“Excuse me?” Her words snarked angrily. “You can't keep me here! This isn't my home, and I don't know any of you, let me go home! This is kidnapping!”

“P-Please, calm down,” Donnie begged. “I just want to--”

“No, fuck you! I don't need any help, nor do I want to be here! Where the fuck is the exit?! I'm going home!”

“ _ENOUGH!_ ” The deep, dark voice boomed loud enough to almost shake the walls, making Lizzie stumble backwards and back down onto one knee, her whole body shaking with... It could be a mix of fear, rage, and the cold.

She looked up and gazed at the tall figure of a rodent man. His colors were that of a calico cat, not like any rat she has ever seen in her life, but his eyes held rage, even if he looked calm. They were brown, almost red, but still very human like.

The long, white beard seemed no more than a few strands thick and his white colors around his snout, curling up around his lips like a white mustache, but blending perfectly with his fur. His whiskers twitched as he glared down at the woman who was shivering, sweating, and looked like a corpse walking around. He was dressed in a red kimono, and his forearms were wrapped up in a brown leather.

But he looked ready to kill... It was terrifying.

“Donatello, step away.” The turtle did as he commanded and stepped back from the woman who slipped down on both of her knees, her legs shaking a little bit. He stepped forward towards Lizzie, his rear paws clicking on the ground with every step he took, his claws clacking against the cold stone.

Lizzie wanted to run, she wanted to escape, she wanted to scream, and she wanted to die, all at once. But she could do none of those things, all she could do was stare at this giant rodent as he stepped forward, the emerald green cane in his grasp stamping on the concrete as he stared into her eyes that held all the feeling in the whole entire world, but completely hidden to those who could not see passed her veils.

“G-Get away...” She whispered weakly, her stomach flipping a little as it felt like she may vomit again. Her stomach churned painfully and she felt like her whole intestines were trying to squeeze from her throat and down onto the ground.

“You are ill.” Splinter spoke hard, and solid. His voice not wavering. “You need healing. And nobody can heal you better than my sons. You will remain calm. And you will do as they say. Or you will be removed from my home, and you will perish on the streets from your addiction. Is that understood?”

Lizzie's ears were ringing a little as he spoke. The word 'addiction' was such a dirty word, and she hated it. Because, she wasn't addicted, damn it! She can control herself!

But what could she do? Refuse? She would surely be hurt if she did. So, instead, she nodded and gasped, feeling her chest tighten at the rough intake of breath.

Splinter stood up straight and looked at Donnie who raced forward and slowly helped Lizzie to her feet, and this time, she didn't fight it. She took his hand and let him wrap her arm around his shoulders, leading her to the kitchens, determined to get her to eat something. Mikey followed behind them, eager to finally be able to meet her, even if she looked a little scary to him.

Donnie sat her down on a chair, not a stool. Her whole body went limp against the back of the chair and she felt her body twitching with uncontrollable muscle spasms.

Mikey jumped onto the stool across from her, staring into her glossy eyes. She looked at his and clicked her tongue against the back of her teeth.

“What?”

“Don't mind him. He likes people, a little too much.” Donnie started preparing something in a pot.

“Well it isn't every day that I can make a new friend!” Mikey jumped towards the seat closer to her, making her jerk a little.

“Friends aren't my forte, buddy. You may be out of luck.”

“Nah, you are nice. I can feel it!”

“You're gonna feel my nails in your eyes if you don't back up, mister.”

Mikey heeded her threat a little personally and scooted backwards, his eyes dropping down to his hands and a feeling of sadness washing over not only him, but the entire room. Lizzie felt guilty, extremely guilty.

But the whole room was uncomfortably silent, even as Donnie chopped various veggies and poured them into the mixture on the stove and soon, he rested a traditional Japanese bowl decorated with coy fish deep into the paint, golden and blue in color. He used the ladle and spooned the mixture into the bowl and rested a spoon next to it. It was a broth, a veggie broth of some kind, with bits of carrots, celery, and red onions floating inside of it.

The smell of the broth made her stomach rumble and she reached for the spoon on instinct, gently dipping it into the broth and lifting it up towards her mouth, pressing her lips to the metal silverware, and slurping it into her mouth. The warm liquid touched her tongue and it felt like a jolt of electricity course through her body.

“Damn...” Her body felt foreign to her, as it was unusual to have something so good for her inside of her stomach, usually munching on stolen snack cakes and food from park-goers. She would think back to all those days where she would run from the cops with many stolen food items in her arms. They never caught her. Because she was not above hiding in a dumpster until they were gone.

Donnie sat at the table across from his brother and they shared nervous looks as Lizzie continued to eat more of the broth. In truth, he didn't expect her stomach to be able to handle solid foods, so he tried to make the easiest food possible that would be good for her and wouldn't cause too much internal disturbance. Broth was what it came down to, not trusting Mikey to use her as a test monkey for his 'new recipes'.

So Donnie took the reins and helped her get the soup down in a calm, slow manner that wouldn't shock her body. She was still twitching, and her eyes were still wide and buggy. Her skin still looked sickly white. Her hair was dirty, grimy, and choppy. Her clothes hung around her body like they were never supposed to fit her in the first place. How could someone so skinny still be alive?

Lizzie was a new subject to humans that none of them have ever met before. Yes, they've all seen their shares of drunks, hot-boxers, and coke-addicts. But never something as hardcore as heroin... And it throws Donnie for a loop, never seeing a female like this before.

April was beautiful, he's always known that. And honestly, that was his only comparison for female anatomy. While April was curvy and well fed; Lizzie was stick thin and starving. April's hair was vibrant and fit her very well; Lizzie's hair was dull, and looked like it could fall out at any second. April's eyes, sparkly and bright blue; Lizzie's, cloudy and dull green. It was like she was the exact opposite of April, and that was all he could go on at the moment.

Donnie took a moment to plan for the journey ahead, knowing that this was going to be one of the biggest challenges that he's ever faced, and he has fought hordes of armies of robot ninjas, alien androids, and disturbing mutants. But nothing has ever prepared him for something like this before.

He watched as she slowly became more and more sluggish, her grip on the spoon going more lax than before, and she dropped it on the table once it was empty. Her head felt like an anvil, exhaustion hitting her like a train.

She wanted to itch her arm. Holy fuck, she wanted to itch her arm, but she knew it would hurt like hell to itch a broken limb. The needle wounds under the bandages throbbed, begging to be reopened with a fresh dose. But she had nothing, no heroin, no needles, no painkillers, no nothing.

So she sat there, in the presence of giant turtles. “D-Don't even know y-yur names.”

When she broke the silence, Donnie looked up from the table. He gestured haphazardly to himself.

“I'm Donnie, or Donatello. These are my brothers.” He gestured to Mikey who grinned a very happy grin and waved a little.

“Name's Mikey, otherwise known as the Supreme Commander of Awesome!”

Lizzie giggled a little, but it was a broken sort of giggle. “How lovely.”

“Mikey, please don't scare her,” Donnie smiled a little as he took the bowl away, seeing that a good portion of the broth was gone and he rinsed out the dish and washed it off quickly, leaving it on the rack to dry and he rejoined them at the table.

Lizzie's fingers sat on the table and she tapped them down in no particular order, almost like she was attempting to type something. Donnie watched her a little closely as her fingers flexed over and over again and then noticed the vein in her neck that was pulsing angrily.

“Lizzie,” She looked up at Donnie. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit, thanks.” She didn't stutter. Donnie couldn't even begin to imagine how she was feeling, honestly. He has never been dependent on something like that ever before and it's only been about 20 hours. If this is how she acts less than a day in, how can she even begin to recover?

But Donnie wasn't deterred; he's faced worse enemies than this demon with gold eyes.

Before he could speak again, the phone on his belt started beeping and he immediately almost jumped off the chair. He looked down, removing it from his belt, and saw April's photo light up the screen and quickly excused himself to speak to her.

“Hey, April!” His voice struggling to be cheery.

“ _Hey, Donnie, answer me this,”_ The line went quiet for a second before April's sweet voice on the other end spoke again. _“Why is it whenever I leave for less than a day, you guys manage to get into the deepest kind of trouble possible?!”_

“I guess you know, huh?” There was no point in hiding it.

“ _You brought a drug addict into the lair!? She could have killed you! You didn't know how dangerous she was! They're unpredictable, violent, and crazy!”_

“April, she needs our help.”

“ _No, she needs a rehab facility and to get a damn job.”_ The bite in her voice was almost sickening for Donnie to hear.

His sweet, angelic April, someone who saw goodness in someone like Casey Jones, was being harsh, angry, and judgmental. It hurt his heart to know just how rude she was being.

“April, I can't handle this right now.” Was all he said before pulling the phone away from his ear and ending the call. It was heartbreaking to hang up on her, but he couldn't handle her harsh criticism at the moment while he was attempting to heal a very broken human being.

So instead, he went to speak to his brother... To Raph.

The red-clad turtle was continuing to read the graphic novel as he heard the footsteps and it seems like Leo hasn't moved from the spot he was in about half an hour ago. He sat down next to Raph and his nerves felt like they were on fire.

“Raph...” The turtle peeked his head over the top of the comic book. “We need Casey's help.”

God, those words tasted like vinegar as he spoke them, but what other choice did he have? He wasn't going to go out in broad daylight to do this and it was apparent that April wanted nothing to do with this situation... And Casey Jones always seemed to be the most open-minded human that any of them have ever met, which is the main reason that he and Raph were such close friends.

“Casey?” Raph was honestly confused now. “Can't we just ask April for help? Seems like you would jump at that chance.”

“She wants nothing to do with her.” He gestured over to Lizzie who was watching Mikey chatter away and nodding off every few seconds.

“And what makes you think I do?”

A deep, rumbly growl erupted from Donnie's throat and he just stood, gently kicking his brother in the side of the foot with frustration as he headed back into his lab, slamming the door before searching for local pharmacies.

He managed to manipulate the system, creating a fake alias in a matter of minutes from a recently deceased human in the obituaries, and requested a full prescription of dihydrocodeine. All of his research led him to believe that it was going to be better for her than methadone which was just as addicting as heroin, and had more positive chemicals in it than the drug normally used.

He paid for it, in full, without any regrets. And then, came the biggest regret he had.

His fingers hovered over the screen of his phone, his mouth tasting of vomit. But he pressed the call button and waited.

“Casey? It's Donnie.”

 


	4. Cleaning and Caring

With every passing second, she could feel her sanity slipping further and further away. If this is what normal feels like, she fucking hates it; Absolutely fucking despises it.

Donnie had left her in the lab to sleep after he made sure he locked away any potential harmful items. That included any needles, scissors, knives, glass, box cutters, and blow torches… blow torches? She's in withdrawal, not insane. But she knew better than to question him by now. Whenever she would ask what he was doing, it was meant with a shushing noise.

And it's only been 12 hours since she first woke up here with them. But the more that time went on, the more she was warming up to them. They seemed genuinely concerned for her well being.

“Not that they need to,” She thought bitterly. “I can take care of myself.”

It was in the calm of the lab, only the beeping of machines, the breeze from the grate above her, and the warmth of several blankets, did Lizzie take a moment to think.

She thought about her family… or, what was left of it. Her infuriating step-father that attempted to replace her father with every given chance. Her mother who was as abusive as she was lazy, spewing verbal insults and empty threats at Lizzie every day she went without a job when she was 15. She thought about her brother… when it broke her heart to see that tiny casket lowered into the Earth, shielded from the open air with mountains of dirt on dirt. The roses on his grave were long dead and forgotten, much to her dismay.

Lizzie blamed her mother. Of course she blamed her mother; if the bitch had bothered to check his car seat properly and wasn't nursing the thermos full of wine in the driver's seat, he would still be here…

The thought of it made her sick all over again and she wretched into the bucket next to her head, holding it close like a toddler with their favorite stuffed animal.

Lizzie thought of her grandparents; how proud they would have been of her to find out she was following her dreams of working in a bakery… and how utterly disgusted they would be with her when they found out she got fired. But they never liked her. They didn't understand her hair, or her choice of shirt, or her bisexuality. So fuck ‘em.

She pushed her judgmental grandparents to the far corners of her mind and thought about something else… anything else…

Her mind drifted to the tub she saw in the bathroom. Oh, how she would give anything to soak away in that thing… yes, it didn't look the cleanest white, more of a stained yellow, but it was there. And it looked 5 times better than she did at the moment, and that's why she craved it. She craved being cleaned in the water, like washing away her fresh sins.

Lizzie glanced at her fingernails, dirty and rough looking, making her stomach churn at the sight of them. When did she become so careless with her personal hygiene? That was what she always liked about herself... She was always clean and well groomed, like a show dog.

Her legs shook, and her heart rate was through the roof. It felt like her insides were on fire and she hated it so, so much. But she had to find a way to ignore it; to keep the food down that Donnie offered. To ignore the pounding headache she got when she heard Mikey and Raph fighting. To work up the courage to talk to Leo. To stand at eye level with Splinter.

So she sucked in a huge breath, dug her fingernails into the heels of her palms, and stood off the low bed, her knees wobbling slightly as she did so. She kept the blankets wrapped around her body, as tight as she could.

When she pulled the door open, she could only imagine what she looked like. Wrecked hair, bloodshot eyes, pale, clammy skin, hunched over.... It was pathetic.

Donnie looked up at her and smiled a little as Raph glanced over his shoulder and scowled before going back to the video game they were currently invested in. But as soon as she stepped out, she saw the screen and watched as Raph's character did a very gruesome fatality on Donnie's character and he dropped the controller in defeat, his face full of disbelief.

“Impossible! I practiced for days!”

“Just need to forget that equation-y shit and play the game, Don.” Raph leaned back on his arms and snickered a little as Donnie stood up from the floor and stepped towards Lizzie who shivered a little harder, now that she was out in the open and had significantly less blankets.

“How are you feeling? Do you think you feel up to eating again?”

Lizzie jerked her head from left to right. “N-Not right now... B-But..” Her face flushed with an embarrassment that she hasn't felt in a while. “May I... Take a bath?”

Donnie's face turned pink in a moment's notice. “O-Of course! B-But you will need help cause you can't get the splint wet.”

Lizzie just nodded a little as she headed into the bathroom, her knees wobbling slightly and she folded the blanket in the sloppiest way possible, and waited for Donnie to come in behind her. He did just that and closed the door mostly, leaving it cracked and waiting for her to get out of her clothes.

Lizzie's hand fumbled with her belt again but she managed to yank it off her jeans and they fell to the floor with little to no resistance. Her legs were bone thin, sickly looking, and haven't been shaved in a whole month. Donnie saw her struggle with her boyshort panties and they hit the floor, the heavy patch of blond fluff over her crotch making Donnie close his eyes and turn around with his face turning redder than tomato soup.

She used her hand as best as she could and yanked the top off her shoulders and unhooked the bra, letting that hit the floor as well.

Donnie was uncomfortable, to say the least. Who wouldn't be in this situation? Here he was, in the bathroom he and his brothers used every single morning, with a naked, female drug addict, about to help her take a bath. It sounded like a fever dream on any level and he hated it.

But also loved that he was helping her, in any way he could. Her hands gripped for the blanket she had discarded before and curled it around her naked body, stepping back a little.

“Okay,” She hated how timid she sounded. Donnie turned around, still red, covering his face with his hand as he began to fill up the tub, steam rising from the water as it filled all the way up. Her eyes went all over the place as her fingers twitched around the hold on her blanket.

Her fear slowly seemed to dissipate as Donnie stepped back and covered his eyes, waiting for her. She curled the towel up and stepped into the steaming hot water, her breath coming in short hiccups as she lowered herself down into the water and pressed her feet against the front of the tub.

The second that she was in the tub, the water started changing color. Her skin was absolutely filthy, and dead skin had just been piling up for weeks on her without being scrubbed down properly. Donnie waited a few seconds and turned around and his own breath hitched.

She bent over her legs and her knees were pulled tight to her chest. He could see the outline of her vertebrae and the tattoos that littered in every other place on her back that were probably once beautiful. One was a blue butterfly on the back of her neck between her shoulder blades. The second was a vine of ivory that wrapped around just below her breasts and spread over her back like a Van Gogh painting.

It was beautiful, even with her very lanky body.

“Is it too hot?” Donnie asked as he reached for a wash rag and gently dipped it into the water behind her. She immediately shook her head.

“N-No. It's perfect.” It didn't seem perfect, to him. He was never one for blistering hot showers, it was always just above lukewarm and then he would bask in front of a heat lamp for as long as he wanted to.

He could see her skin turning a strange pink color from the hot water and when she raised her arm out of the water, steam rose from her skin. Lizzie made sure to keep her splint away from the water, holding it out from her body. Donnie grabbed the body wash that Casey had left in the lair, as it smelled of cologne. While it wasn't ideal for a woman, it was all they had that wasn't hand soap.

He squeezed the bottle and the blue soap was smeared into the white wash rag and he put the bottle down, rubbing the rag together to break the soap into a lather.

“Ready?” Lizzie gave a nod and Donnie pressed the wet, warm rag to her shoulders, scrubbing down her shoulders and back as gently as possible, worried that pressing down any harder might break her, like a dry leaf.

His hands moved over her slowly, but efficiently, making sure to take care of every single part of her, his hands shaking a little as he had to reach down and scrub at her lower back and her rear, his face peppered with blush that he couldn't even attempt to fight. He bit his lip a little as the cloth went over her left side, shivering uncomfortably as he felt her ribs through the cloth.

Lizzie barely reacted to him. Her head was pounding, her stomach felt tight, but it rumbled, begging for food once again. Her forehead was matted with sweat and her eyes finally began to stop darting around like crazy as she just attempted to breathe and relax... It felt like it was impossible.

“Liz?” The sound of water and the occasional scrubbing noise was interrupted by Donnie speaking up. She looked over her shoulder a little. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Do you want me to be honest?” Donnie nodded nervously. “I feel fuckin' horrible. It feels like shock therapy on my guts.”

The teen turtle winced at the comparison and his eyes dropped down to see her feet fidgeting against the floor of the tub, her toenails casually scraping against the rough aged porcelain.

“It hurts. So much.”

“Our friend is coming by soon, Liz. He will give you what you need.”

Those words were very misleading; Lizzie felt her mouth go dry and her scars throbbed painfully under her bandages. She looked at Donnie in the eyes and he immediately shook his head.

“It's a painkiller called dihydrocodeine,” That was a big word that she didn't understand. “It is better than methadone and will help you with your...”

Her eyes burned a little, basically challenging him to say the word 'addiction'.

“Situation.” He chose that word very carefully, knowing that it could damage her a lot if he tried to prove to her that she had an addiction problem before she was ready to accept it on her own. Everything that he has read in the last 5 hours has prepared him for the worst. And now he knew that she couldn't be left alone...

The minutes dragged on as he washed almost every inch of her skin that she would allow but took the cloth from him when he attempted to go passed the front of her waist and she washed her own privates, not willing to let him do that, even if it hurt for her to do it herself.

“Lean back,” He said as he headed to the front of the tub and gently reached into the tub for her left leg and began to scrub down her ankle and calf. Lizzie leaned back against the back of the tub and lifted her arm over her head, making sure the bandages stayed dry. He took very special care of every inch of her legs and once he was satisfied, he reached for a little bucket and began soaking her short blonde hair.

Once her hair was completely soaked, he began washing it clean, seeing brown and green running out of her hair and it seemed ten times brighter than before, now a dusty blonde and not a toxic greenish yellow. She was completely clean. And She was happy about it.

“Okay, ready?” Donnie jumped to his feet and grabbed a towel from a basket off the floor and lifted it up for her. She slowly stood up from the tub, her knees a little shaky, but stepped into the towel, smiling weakly as she let him wrap it around her torso. Tucking the corner into the top of the towel, he stepped back and ruffled her hair a little bit, causing her to giggle.

“You look so much better now,” He said, wiping off his hands with the hand towel on the lip of the sink. Lizzie looked down at her body and saw the bones in her feet and just shrugged a little.

“I'll just have to... Take your word for it.”

Donnie came to a sudden realization that she probably hasn't seen her reflection since she's been down here... The mirror was completely useless, thanks to Raph. That one day that Raph was so angry that he smashed the mirror with one, hard slam of his fist. He sliced his hand open, right down the middle.

Lizzie took a step back a little and looked at her bandages that seemed to be a little damp, much to her dismay. “Fuck, got them wet.”

Donnie took notice and gently took her hand in his own much larger ones. “We'll fix it up. Casey's also bringing an arm brace, it will help a lot more than this.”

They both left the bathroom, the blanket curled around her body as tight as it could be and he led her back into the lab where she looked up and saw something folded up on the table top with a little folded piece of paper on top. Lizzie padded across the room and read the paper out loud.

“For Her, Splinter.” She looked over her shoulder at Donnie who couldn't keep his smile at bay.

“Seems that Sensei left you a gift.” Donnie grasped the black fabric in his hands and lifted up, showing her the soft silk Yukata that was decorated with dark red lilies and deep green vines winding around the waist of the robe. With the Yukata, he had gifted a matching sash and underneath the sash was a chest bind and underwear. “Where did he even get this?”

Lizzie stared at the robe in the turtle's grasp and began shaking her head. “N-No... I can't wear that, n..not a chance.”

“Why not?”

“I-It's way too pretty for me! Come on, this is gorgeous!”

“Oh shut it. Come on, let's get you dressed, okay?”

Lizzie snapped her mouth shut and let out a little sigh as she put the blanket down and started to towel herself off, bending down and rubbing at her hair with the towel angrily, her ribs screaming at her in utter protest. Once she was dry, she ripped the underwear off the table and sighed, pulling it on and grimacing at how it just barely fit her, bagging around the rear in an uncomfortable way. But, what could she do? Alter them? Yeah, cause needles and shaky ass hands will work wonderfully.

And as Donnie began dressing her like she was an infant who couldn't be trusted to put her shirt on frontwards, her hands started shaking even more than usual. And she let her mind wander... And it felt like someone was screaming at her. Screaming, shouting, blaring... And if she moved passed the blaring, she heard her favorite song.

The song that her mother used to sing to her... Her favorite song from when she was young. And Donnie was in the middle of pulling on her chest bind when she started to mumble the lyrics in a little singing voice and it made him realize that even she has happy memories...

“Strangers waiting...Up and down the boulevard...” Her lips moved a little as she sang, attempting to cloud the noises screaming in her head. It was very hard to separate the sounds of glass shattering, the pulsing behind her eyes, the sound of loud car engines, from the sweet voice she knew belonged to her mother at twenty-two.

Donnie took a step back as he watched her reach up to gently tug on the strands of her bangs, her legs swinging back and forth underneath the table as she started rocking back and forth like a tiny child having a nervous breakdown.

“Their shadows searching in the night...” Lizzie bit her tongue and started to itch under her ear a little. The strumming of a guitar made her ears ring. And there was no acoustic instrument even present in the room, nor was it being played.

And then, he got an idea. Donnie raced across his lab, tripping over a stool in the process, but managed to find what he was looking for. He grabbed the boom-box looking device and placed it on the table, flipping a switch and tuning it to a radio station. 102.3 WBAB began to blare through the lab and bounce off the walls. Very slowly, Lizzie stopped humming the song and looked up through her curtain of blonde hair, recognizing the song.

_Simple Minds_ echoed into her brain and the noises in her brain stopped. A slow smile crossed her lips and she couldn't help but start giggling at Donnie, a wide grin breaking over her face.

“H-How did you...” Donnie crossed the lab and held his hand out for her to take. She accepted it and jumped off the table as he grabbed the Yukata and slid it on over her skin, tucking it up around her middle and tying the sash around her waist, listening to her softly sing along to the song.

“Don't you try to pretend... It's my feeling we'll win in the end,” He didn't exactly know this song, at all, but he hummed along to the tune with her. Once he was satisfied with how the robe hung on her, he grabbed one of her many blankets and wrapped it around her shoulders.

She curled up in it almost immediately and followed behind him like a baby duckling would with it's mother. He pushed the door open effortlessly and led her into the kitchen where he instructed her to sit at the table, which she did. Lizzie looked up and saw Leo sitting across from her at the table.

He refused to meet her gaze and only watched her fingertips dance across the table at an uneven pace.

“Did you want to try something a little more solid this time?” Donnie looked over his shoulder as he went into the cabinets and pulled out a loaf of bread.

Lizzie looked down at her nails as they clacked all over the table top. “Y-Yeah, I'll try it.”

He nodded a little and untwisted the tie around the end of the bag, pulling out the loaf of bread and lifting up the serrated knife, spinning it in his hand a little bit before slicing two piece of the bread off in an even swishing motion. He went into the fridge and removed a bag of sliced turkey and a bottle of mustard, squeezing a little of the yellow substance on the bread and spreading it around with the knife and placing two slices of turkey on the bread, laying the other slice down and cutting it in half.

He ripped off a paper towel and placed it on the table in front of her, offering the sandwich to her.

Lizzie stared down at the bread that seemed to be staring back at her. The damn thing was taunting her, daring her to eat it. So you know what? Fuck it. Lizzie grabbed half the sandwich in her shaky hand and bit down on it roughly, the bread and turkey snapping around her teeth.

It was strange, foreign to her. She hasn't had something like this in weeks. She hasn't had genuinely good food, just stolen granola bars or some half eaten pringle cans from the dumpsters. So this, it was incredible.

Lizzie smiled wide and started to stuff the half of the sandwich into her mouth, attempting to wolf down the other part, and she would have, if Donnie hadn't stopped her.

“Hey, slow down! If you eat it too fast, it's gonna just come right back up,” He put his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him, wiping the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand and placing the sandwich half down.

“S-Sorry...”

“Hey guys!” Lizzie looked up and heard an unfamiliar voice. “I'm here!”

“We're in the kitchen, Jones!” Donnie shouted and Lizzie gently rested her head on her hand, sighing softly with a strange feeling in her tummy, wondering what kind of mutant was about to walk through that door.

“Sorry I was late, severe traffic jam was blocking my normal route so I had to go another way.”

Lizzie looked up and let out a little gasp. A teenage boy stood in the doorway, a mess of black dyed hair and a black matching bandanna around his forehead. It looked like a red and gray jersey was under his once-hoodie with ripped sleeves. All over was splattered paint, all different colors. His gangly hands had black fingerless gloves covering most of them and chewed off fingernails.

His gray jeans had a similar paint pattern on them and his black converse looked extremely dirty, but other than that, he was a very normal human. Even with that gap in his smile and the small cuts peppering his face.

The teen dropped the heavy duffel bag on his shoulders down to the ground and looked at Lizzie with a nervous smile, his eyes showing a worried expression. What did he have to be worried about?

Lizzie scoffed and turned her head in the other direction towards Donnie who looked back at her with a sympathetic smile.

The boy looked at Donnie, at Leo, and then back at Lizzie, scooting away from her a little and closer to Leo who was still on edge about all of this. If there's one thing that would comfort Lizzie in this moment, it would be to hear Leo speak; he hasn't said a word to her since she got here.

So, she took the initiative... “Leo?” The turtle's gaze immediately snapped up and he looked very uncomfortable. Well, she didn't think he would even react to her so this was a step in the right direction! “H-How are you?”

“Uh...” He stumbled over his words slightly. “I'm... Fine?”

The teenage boy snorted at this and covered his mouth with the back of his gloved hand.

“I-I'm just askin' because... You-You haven't really spoken t-to me or even looked at me or attempted to look at me or even try to talk to me,” She began speaking at a high speed, going off the rails a little bit. “So I was just wondering if you were okay, if you hated me, if you wanted me to leave, even though your dad told me to stay put so you and your brothers could help me, even if I don't need help, but I was just being respectful and trying to-”

“Liz,” Leo stopped her and she immediately shut up. “Should probably breathe in between monologues.”

A snicker left her mouth and she looked down at her arm, nodding a little and giggling like an idiot at his words. Eventually, Leo started snickering along with her. Donnie and Casey shared a look of confusion but snickered as well. The giggle session went on for a few more seconds and she eventually stopped, her eyes tearing up a little. She wiped at them with her fingertips and snorted softly.

“Ahhhh, I needed a good laugh...” Her chest felt tight. But this time, it was a good tight feeling. She missed the carefree feeling that she got whenever she would laugh with her friends... But now, they wanted nothing to do with her. And God only knows where she was right now.

Donnie looked at the teen boy and then at his bag. “Lizzie, this is Casey, he got your medication for you and the new brace for your arm.”

“Ya know, Red didn't want me to come down here.” Casey stood from his seat and went into his bag, pulling out a small paper bag colored in many different colors and symbols with the initials “R.S” on the front and placed it on the table. Donnie went to the cabinet and got a glass out before filling it up with water.

“It's gonna be a regulated dose, okay, Lizzie?” She gave a little nod as he dug into the bag and rested the bottle of pills on the table top and she let out a little hiccup, looking up at Donnie and her eyes went a little buggy. “It'll help your tremors, and your pain. But I don't want you taking more than I tell you to. Understand?”

Lizzie sighed and leaned back, rubbing her eyes with her fingers. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

Donnie glared. “This isn't a joke, Liz. This is serious. And I need to know you're listening to me, get it?”

The determination in his voice made Lizzie tremble slightly and she nodded a little bit. “Okay... Sorry.”

The teen turtle gave a little nod and opened the bottle up, placing one of the white pills on the counter before closing the bottle back up and holding it tight, waiting for her to take it.

She grabbed the medication in her hand and immediately downed it with the water, hiccuping again as it seemed the water attempted to go down her windpipe. She started coughing and gently thumped her hand against her chest, snickering a little at her dumb mistake.

“Ugh, God, that shit dissolved instantly... Tastes worse than tequila.” She rubbed her right temple a little and looked up at Donnie who smiled back at her.

“It works fast. You may feel drowsy though.”

“Yeah, so what else is new?” Lizzie haphazardly snapped with no real bite in her words and looked over at Leo who seemed a little less uncomfortable around her.

“Now I see why you wanted the brace,” Casey piped up and pulled something else out of his bag. It was a very heavy duty arm brace that has seen a lot of wear and tear but was pretty strong looking. Lizzie's eyes lit up and looked at Donnie hopefully, holding out her splinted arm and waiting for him to fix her up.

Donnie took the brace from Casey and began unwrapping Lizzie's arm. She hissed in pain as he held her arm up at the broken place and very slowly slipped the brace on her arm, tightening the straps around her. She could feel a metal plate resting on the underside of her forearm under the fabric; it must be the thing that keeps her arm stable. She wiggled her thumb a little and then instantly regretted her choice.

“Now that's a brace.”

“Oh, got this too!” Casey held out a black sling and looked at Lizzie who nodded immediately, waiting for Donnie to hook it up to her. He rolled his eyes, smiling, showing the gap in his teeth as he slipped her arm into the sling and wrapped it around her neck.

“Thanks Casey. This really means a lot, that you would help out.”

“Much to April's dismay, honestly,” Casey muttered, pretending to be very interested in his fingernails.

“So who's April?”

The air in the room suddenly went very cold. It seems like nobody wanted to answer this question so Lizzie bit her lip slightly.

“April's our... other human friend,” Leo piped up. “She's been with us since our first day up on the surface... And we saved her life from Aliens.”

Donnie went stiff and Casey glared at him like he was crazy but Lizzie snorted. “Heh, sure thing buddy.”

Seems like she thought it was a bad joke; so that's okay. A little sigh of relief left Donnie as he stood up from the table and looked at Casey and then at his brother, an idea crossing his mind as he looked at his brother and smiled.

“Leo, come with me for a sec,” He grabbed Leo by the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen, leaning down to whisper to him. “I have an idea...”

 


	5. I'm (Not) Fine

Lizzie sat on the ground of the dojo with her legs crossed under her, watching the four brothers standing across from each other in battle stance.

Their master, Splinter, stood at attention in front of the dojo, watching his sons stand up with their weapons drawn and waiting for their cue to attack each other, which Lizzie found slightly barbaric. Is this how training to be ninjas went? Just beat up on each other to learn lessons from one another? That's strange.

“ _Hajime!”_ Lizzie jumped a little at his shout, not knowing what the hell that even meant.

It was decided before they began that Leo and Donnie would be paired together against Mikey and Raph, who seemed very unenthusiastic to be with Mikey, but was much less enthusiastic to be training in front of Lizzie.

But all his worries were put aside when he spun the twin sais in his large, muscular hands and Mikey gripped the ends of his nunchucks, his knuckles turning white as the other side of the nunchucks were tucked under his arms, waiting and going on the defensive as he waited for his brothers to make the first move. And the first move, they did make.

Leo slashed at the air with his twin katanas, the metal swooshing through the air making a very pleasant sound. Mikey jumped back in response and dodged his swift slices through the air, like he moved in the way of a wave of water. Donnie had a very different weapon from the other three, twirling his bo-staff in his grasp and standing upright, holding the end of the staff at Raph's face who smirked a little.

“Hopefully all that time spent in the lab with her hasn't made you soft, Donny-boy,” Raph teased him and Donnie lowered the staff a little, a very unimpressed look on his face.

“Very funny, Raph.” Seems that was exactly what Raph wanted; he lunged for Donnie, his sais poised, ready for an attack. Donnie lifted the staff up just in time to block his brother's blades from cutting his scaly hide.

Lizzie watched with interest as the brothers fought, like it was second nature to them. The way Leo held those swords with such confidence, knowing fully well the damage that they could do to his brothers. And his brothers knew fully well that he was holding deadly weapons against them, but were okay with it... that seems very wrong.

Just as Mikey swung his spiraling nunchuck at Leo's sword, he managed to block the blow with his dual blades, a grin spreading over his mouth. But what Lizzie didn't expect was for Mikey to extend the chain of his weapon and twist the base, a blade unsheathing from the edge and nearly piercing Leo in the forehead. He gasped in surprise and used his weight, shoving Mikey backwards, stepping a few steps backwards as his brother swung the chain in his hands dramatically.

From the other side of the dojo, Raph lifted his sais up in the air and brought them down at an alarmingly fast pace and Donnie lifted his staff up, catching the side blades and main one in the space of his staff, smirking as the blade embedded into the wood of the staff. Donnie knelt down and immediately swept his left leg under his brother's knocking him to the floor and spinning the wooden bo in his hands, his sais going flying.

But Lizzie let out a squeak as one of them went flying straight for her, digging into the floor right in front of where she was sitting. She backed up a little as the weapon glinted in the light.

“ _Yamete!”_ Splinter shouted immediately as he noticed the weapon sitting in front of Lizzie. She slowly stood up and wrapped her hand around the sai's handle and ripped it free from it's prison in the ground.

Donnie went wide eyed as he saw the sharp object in her hand that had significantly less trembles now but were still slightly twitchy. She held the sai upright and stalked right across the dojo, right towards Splinter. All of the turtles gasped in shock as it looked like she was about to attack him.

Splinter watched her movements, ready to defend himself or his sons if necessary. Lizzie held the weapon unsteadily, not used to holding something so weighty, yet so light at the same time, made with folded and rolled steel. She lifted the weapon slowly...

And twisted it so the handle stuck up in the air and offered it to the giant rat, handle first, the blades pointed towards the ground. Splinter reached out and accepted the weapon from her grasp with a smile and gently bowed his head, which she did in response.

“T-Thank you for letting me join you today, sir.” It was then that there was a glint in her eye that Splinter hadn't noticed before... She wanted to get clean, but in all honesty, she was scared. He could feel it.

“My sons, that is enough for today. You are dismissed,” Everybody turned on their heels to leave until he spoke again. “Liz.”

She stopped in her tracks, along with the other four. “Remain with me. I wish to speak with you.”

A nervous look crossed Lizzie's face and she looked over her shoulder at Donnie who gently patted her back and turned to leave like his Sensei instructed. She slowly began to approach Splinter, looking down at the floor where her bare feet were and pretending to be very interested in her toes.

Splinter took a step to the left and sat down at a kotastu on the ground with a blue blanket wrapped around the edges, matching soft pillows on the floor. A tea set was on the table and he took a seat on the floor, gesturing to the cushion across from him. Lizzie sat down across from him, tucking her legs under the table where the blanket kept her legs and feet very warm.

The silence between them felt almost unbearable for Lizzie as she played with the edge of the blanket on the table. Splinter carefully reached for the wooden container on the table and pulled the lid off, using the spoon inside to distribute a green powder to two different bowls on the table, carefully sealing it up and lifting the kettle and pouring steamed milk into them both, lifting the bamboo blender and whisking around the tea until the milk had turned a soft green color and he offered the drink to Lizzie who lifted the bowl with one hand and carefully sipped from it nervously.

It had a strong aroma and deep, rich taste with a sweetness to the aftertaste. Her face seemed to light up and she sipped from the bowl a little more, smiling as the tea warmed her from the inside out.

Splinter smirked and lifted his own bowl to his lips, taking a graceful sip from it and setting it back down on the table while Lizzie was halfway done with her tea. He gently tapped on the bowl to get her attention and she blushed, placing it back down.

“W-What is it you wanted to talk about, sir?”

Splinter stayed silent for a second before speaking up. “Is Liz short for Elizabeth?”

Lizzie sighed and shook her head a little. “No, sir. Elsie is my name. My full name, of course... But I never truly liked it. Despised it, actually.”

“Why is that?”

“It's my grandmother's middle name.” She spoke without missing a beat. “She never liked me, saying I messed my mother's life up by being born when she was just 17 and always looked for an excuse to never be around me.”

“I see,” He spoke gently, as to not spook her from her honesty streak. She continued on.

“And my grandfather hated me equally. He never approved of my job, my partners, my choices, never truly believed anything I did was up to his standards. Of course, my mother blamed me too. Said I was the reason for her parents despising her, wishing I was never born, wishing that my dad was still alive, blaming me for my dad's death.”

Splinter's grip tightened on the bowl as he saw her face shift from rage to sadness. It was in the blink of an eye but he saw it happen in slow motion. Her eyes began to water and her hand started trembling all over again.

“My dad, uhm... he...” Her voice got caught in her throat and she looked down at the green tea, attempting to find her nerve in the murky milk. “He committed suicide...” Her heart sunk into her stomach and she felt like she might throw up.

Lizzie wanted to hide, bury herself under the blasted kotatsu and never come back out. But she was in too deep; she never wanted to relive this painful memory but now that she was in, she had to see it through; had to let it flow...

“My father was slowly dying from cancer, and the days just got worse and worse for him... So... he took the easy way out, instead of letting the cancer beat him. And he told me that... That no matter what I hear, to lock my bedroom door with the radio turned on, and not come out until he said it was okay...”

Splinter watched as a tear slipped from her eye and into the tea cup. “...He never told me it was okay. Never came back to get me... Never said goodbye...”

“Liz,” Splinter reached across the table and grasped her hand in his, gently stroking his thumb over the top of it, over her scarred flesh. “That is not your fault. And you cannot blame yourself for the choice that your father made.”

Lizzie ripped her hand from his and shot up, knocking the table a little in the process as her eyes were burning with rage. “What the hell do you know about me? Huh? Your a rat monster living in a hidden dungeon with your four monster children! What the fuck would you know about me or what I'm responsible for?”

Splinter made no chance to interject, just rose to his feet, holding his arms behind his back.

You have no right to assume I'm not responsible! You think I need help, well, I don't! I can control myself! I can live a perfectly fucking normal life, god damn it!” Lizzie screamed in pure anger and kicked the kotatsu, the tea covering the floor below and one of the bowls shattering.

“I'm fine! I don't need any help! I don't need you, or my mother, or my step father, or anybody! I can do this on my own!” Lizzie jumped forward to attack Splinter but he just stepped to the side, making her jerk forward and stumble over her feet. She let out a shout of rage and swung her broken arm in the brace at him, hoping to hit him somewhere, anywhere.

She was furious. Her anger was burning brighter than a supernova and all she wanted to do was hit something, someone, just cause pain. Any kind of pain. But she couldn't touch him. He was too fast for her clumsy, pain induced movements.

“Stop moving around and hit me, you coward!” She screamed in rage and immediately jumped for him, her feet leaving the ground. Splinter stepped to the side and she hit the floor; hard. Landing on her non broken arm but still feeling the pain immediately rush to her injured arm. Tears burned at her eyes and she let out an immediate hiccup, trying to stop the fresh tears as they tracked down her face.

“I'm... I'm fine.... I'm fine...” She slowly propped herself up on her hand and looked down at the floor and let out a loud gasp.

She could see herself, in the reflection of the water on the floor. She could see her eyes, bloodshot and wild and bruised with dark circles. Her cheekbones jutted out in an ugly way and her vein in her neck pulsed angrily. Her hair was very lackluster in color from what she could see in the green puddle. Her tears began to fall freely as all she could see in her reflection was her father... Her father who was losing weight, vomiting, crying... Dying; right in front of her.

“I'm not fine...” She curled up on herself on the floor, tucking her head between her legs as she started hyperventilating. Splinter crossed the room and placed a hand on her back as he rubbed it in a small circle at the base of her spine. Lizzie lifted her head up and looked at him, her eyes coated with harsh tears. She jumped forward, pressing her face into his fluffy chest and hugging him as tight as she could, breaking down as the wave of tears never seemed to stop.

“I'm sorry... you're right... You are all right about me! I'm not fine... I can't live like this any longer... This isn't a way to live...” Her heart rate jumped into her throat. “This is a way to die...”

“You're not alone in this, Elsie,” He rubbed her back as gently as he could, feeling her vertebrae through her Yukata. “We are all here for you... We want to see you get better...”

She nodded a little as her sobs rocked her body like a twig in the winter gusts. “Please... I-I've been alone for so long...”

“I know, Liz, I know... I promise you, we will stick by you through it all... But you have to want this too, you know that?”

“I do! I want this, I want to get clean! Please, don't give up on me...”

“We won't, Liz... I swear it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one was so short but it's 2 AM, and I needed to write this before I forgot!


	6. Promises and Protection

It was her 10th day with the turtles in their home, and her 10th day off of heroin. It was like a foreign feeling to her; the feeling of being clean. Lizzie had almost forgotten how it felt to have a clear head and a clean conscience. The wounds on her arm from the needles had began to heal, or as much as she could tell when Donnie would check her broken arm and mark down on the little log that he was keeping to record her injuries and her dosage of DHC. He kept it under lock and key so Lizzie couldn't get to it, which hurt her slightly, but she knew it was for her own good.

Lizzie was beginning to become apart of the turtles every day routine. She was always the first to rise in the morning and stayed up far after almost everyone went down. She sat with Mikey when he played video games. She sat with Raph when he was reading his comic books out loud or when it was his turn with the game console. She sat with Leo when he trained, and she always returned at night when Donnie was to give her a cup of tea and helped her wind down for the night.

And every so often, Casey would come down and visit, but would only stay for a few hours. He had brought her some clothes that would fit her and some clothes she could grow into as well, which she appreciated, even though she wished she didn't have to accept them.

So Lizzie retired the Yukata that was loaned to her and dawned a pair of baggy sweatpants and a baggy long sleeved shirt with a black skull t-shirt. Looked to be Casey's old shirt that he didn't fit any longer. He said that she looked much better in it than he did, and she didn't exactly believe him but didn't argue.

Donnie had her on a simple diet of turkey sandwiches, soups, broths, and mainly just water and teas, which she appreciated more than he could possibly know.

Donnie had gotten into a routine of helping her bathe every other day, making sure she stayed clean and healthy and documenting her weight as well into the notebook; he has become her personal therapist/doctor and honestly, it was comforting. If it was any other person, she would have refused and attempt to avoid any physical contact from them, but this was Donatello; the person who saved her from her addiction and has been there every step of the way and has been extremely patient with her through it all.

Even when she would snap sometimes, which happened more than she would like it to. Sometimes, she would just get angry and all she could think to do was snap, and that was very unhealthy for her, and for Donnie. But he didn't ever blame her and she never did any real harm with her words, only small snarkiness that he found more funny than hurtful.

So Donnie decided to give her something to do with her time; this morning, Donnie handed her a black and white composition notebook with the word _“Lizzie”_ written on the front in bright purple sharpie.

“What's this?” She took the notebook in her hand and frowned slightly.

“It's a journal, I would like for you to write in it every day,” He told her while pulling a pen from the drawer in his desk and offering it to her. “You were bragging yesterday that you were ambidextrous, right?”

Lizzie sighed and rolled her eyes but nodded a little. “Not like I have anything better to do.”

“I could always send you into the Dojo with Raph,”

“Oh, so you want me to break my other arm, that it?”

Donnie snorted and in turn, made Lizzie snicker as she sat down on the cot and opened the notebook up to the first blank page and smiled happily. She always liked seeing a bare, brand new notebook, and she was itching to make her first mark on it.

She clicked her pen open and immediately began writing down on the page.

Donnie saw her from the corner of his eye and smiled as he turned up the radio, the familiar classic rock music playing through the lab. He began to fiddle with something on his desk, his fingers moving over the components of the new device at lightning speed and humming along to the music.

Lizzie's foot tapped on the metal bar of the cot every so often, humming a little as well and wiggling back and forth to the beat of the music, smiling happily as she scribbled into the notebook. As she wrote something down, thought about it, and then tapped the pen to her lips, she wrote down a few more words before closing the notebook up, filling up half of the page already.

Donnie looked over at her and smiled slightly as she slowly laid down on the cot and curled herself up in the blanket, smiling happily. Her feet tucked around the ends of the blanket and yawned wide.

Donnie was trying to get her on a normal sleep schedule, but she would sometimes be tossing and turning all night long so he knew she was either in pain, having nightmares, or both. Which is why he was lenient during the day when she slept, and her medications made her sleepy as well.

So when she slept the day away, he was working on a separate project for her, which he was really happy to show her when it was done, but it involved a lot of scavenging on the surface. Which in truth, he didn't really mind. The Shellraiser made it a lot easier to transport things from the surface back to the lair without too much hassle.

Donnie took one more look at Lizzie and then bolted out of the lab towards the Shellraiser, telling Mikey what he needed help with. The youngest turtle was on board, 100% with his plan, and boarded the Shellraiser with him, speeding down the subway tunnels to the surface.

So when Lizzie woke up from her short nap to find that he was gone, but the radio was still playing, she was a little confused.

Lizzie swung her legs over the side of the cot and stood up, rolling down her long sleeves and curling the blanket around her body and heading out of the lab where she heard familiar noises coming from the kitchen.

When she stepped through the doorway, she blinked in confusion as she saw Raph throw a large pot at her feet and she shrieked, jumping out of the way as the pot bounced off the concrete, denting inward on the side and she looked at him like he was crazy.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Lizzie then felt a little scurrying on her foot and looked down to see a big, fat cockroach on her feet. She screamed and shook her foot away, running backwards and jumping up to sit on the counter away from the ugly bug.

The roach scurried away from the scene and Lizzie was left shaking in fear, her toes tucked around her legs and wrapping the blanket around her feet nervously. “Nasty little fuckers.”

Raph put a hand over his plastron where his heart was and started heaving in relief that the pest ran off and looked at Lizzie who seemed to be turning green. “You're scared of roaches too?”

“Are you kidding?” She looked at him, blowing her blonde bangs from her eyes. “Those little shits can survive a nuclear blast! It's disgusting... They serve no purpose on this Earth... I think God was drunk when he made those things.”

Raph snorted and sat back down at the table, pressing his forehead into the wood and sighing a little. Seems that he knocked all his food on the floor and Lizzie frowned, leaning down and picking up the plate from the floor.

“It got into your food?”

“Gee, what gave it away?”

“Okay, okay, don't need to be a dick about it.” Lizzie remarked as she put the plate in the sink and started to search the kitchen before pulling out a little broom and dustpan, getting on her knees and resting the dustpan in front of her knees, brushing the broom over the remains of the food as best she could until it was all off the floor and tossed the remains into the trash.

“Little OCD, I see,” Raph remarked, leaning on his arms as he rested his chin on his bent elbows. Lizzie shrugged as she sat down at the table.

“It's Donnie, he's been all over the place cleaning up after me... Makes me feel bad, like I need to clean up too.”

“Yeah, Donnie does have the effect on people.”

All Lizzie could do was nod in agreement as if she knew exactly what he was talking about. In truth, there was still so, so much that she didn't know about these turtles that she really wanted to know. She wanted to know how they became turtles, how they met Splinter, how they were taught Ninjutsu, how... Everything, honestly!

They were the most interesting people she's ever met in her life and she wanted to know everything.

So why not start here?

“Hey Raph?” He looked up from the table. “I was... just wondering...” Okay this was a lot easier in her head. But now that she was talking, she had to say something! She must have looked like a fish out of water.

“W-Why don't you like me?”

Raph looked up to meet her gaze for the first time in... ever, to be honest. It was then that Raph realized just how green her eyes were, not like his, but more on the edge of turquoise, flecks of gold around her pupil and hints of blue scattered through her iris. Since her quit from her drug addiction, her eyes had become so much more vibrant.

What was he supposed to tell her? He resented her for things he didn't fully understand? That she was unstable and unpredictable? That she looked like a monster amongst humans?

Raph didn't say any of those things.

“I don't know...” His hands folded over each other and starts to think harder than probably necessary. So he took a moment, closed his eyes, and spoke while not looking at her. “I don't technically hate you but... I just think that you had a chance to have a normal life and just... threw it all away.”

Lizzie wanted to be mad; she wanted to be furious but all of her rage was fleeting when she remembered that she was the one that asked and his honesty was very refreshing. So she just nodded a little and leaned on her good arm against the counter top.

Raph watched her as she gently adjusted her brace a little and let out a little hiss of pain as she moved it just right to where it pressed on the break. Lizzie felt her face flush at the pain and she just chose to rest it against her stomach, leaning back and resting her back against the wall.

“Are you okay?”

Lizzie looked up and looked surprised by his words but she only followed his question up with a small shrug, which Raph tried not to take personally.

The air between the two seemed a little more tense than usual and Lizzie swung her feet back and forth, looking down at them and sighing a little. The minutes dragged on until a voice suddenly snapped them out of their gazes on the surfaces they were glaring at.

“Lizzie, can you come here for a second? In the Dojo!” She recognized Leo's voice and jumped up, walking towards the Dojo, dragging her feet a little as she noticed him sitting on the ground in front of the large tree, perched on his knees as he didn't look up when she entered.

Lizzie decided to follow his lead and sat down with her legs crossed next to him.

The silence between Lizzie and Leo was much more comfortable than between her and Raph, so she reveled in his company, enjoying his friendly demeanor much more than his hostile brother.

But as the minutes dragged on without him saying a word, she spoke up. “You were the one that called for me, right?”

A snicker left his throat and he opened his eyes. “Yeah, it was me. I want you to try something with me.”

She tilted her head a little, like a puppy attempting to figure out stairs for the first time, and just let a shrug roll off her shoulders.

“Okay, what are we gonna do?”

“Meditate.”

“Sorry, what was that?”

Leo pursed his lips a little in annoyance at her sudden chuckle and reached up, flicking her in the middle of her forehead, making her jerk back and rub at the skin a little.

“Look, I know it must sound strange, someone asking you to meditate--”

“Stupid is more like it.”

Leo sighed and leaned down, pinching the bridge of his snout and rubbing at his eyes slightly. He knew Lizzie wouldn't appreciate this the way he could; as far as he knew, she wasn't a spiritual person at all. She most likely didn't believe in a higher power, or heaven, not like he did.

“Listen,” The tone in his voice seemed upset. So Lizzie listened. “It's gonna be a rough transition back into doing everyday tasks for you. And you will soon feel more angry than ever because your body isn't used to it. You'll feel useless... Meditation will help you stay in control; to balance that anger and turn it into energy for those tasks. It isn't just spiritual hogwash, okay? It means something to me-- to us.”

The look of guilt on her features was overwhelming. Her lips twisted uncomfortably in a down curve and she knitted her brows together, mentally kicking herself for being such a bitch towards him and she leaned down on her hand, her fingernails digging into the ground.

Leo noticed her look and stood up, standing behind her as he adjusted the curve of her spine into the correct position. He told her to close her eyes and rest her hand on her thigh, which she did. He circled around and knelt down in front of her, waving his hand over her face to make sure her eyes were closed.

“Now, I want you to breathe,” She quickly sucked in the air and Leo sighed. “Gently.”

Lizzie felt color rise to her cheeks as she adjusted her breaths to soft, gentle inhales and exhales, the carbon dioxide released from her lungs caressing Leo's cheekbones. For a past druggie, she had remarkably fresh breath. Maybe because she brushed her teeth almost three times a day? Maybe it's just a given...

“Good, keep breathing... Now, I want you to think of where you are...”

Lizzie opened one eye. “I don't know where I am.”

“Oh my lord, keep your eyes closed!”

“Okay! Okay,” She immediately snapped them closed again and attempted to think of the Dojo, trying to recreate every little detail in her brain... The rack of deadly combat weapons... The shrine with the burning incense stick on the dragon base. The gentle dripping of water from the grate in the ceiling... The soft breaths from Leo in front of her... The magnificent tree basking in the light behind him through the very same grate.

Lizzie was focused on the flow of the air around her... How it tickled at her neck, her hair ruffling a little bit. She gently gripped at the fabric of her sweatpants and felt like there was a glowing sensation behind her eyes... it was strange, to be honest.

Leo saw how she seemed to slowly go out of it and sat down in front of her, mimicking how she was sitting, going as far as to hold his arm to his plastron like she was, her arm in the sling. Leo closed his eyes and thought about the room around him, all to the heart beat of the person in front of him.

It took a little bit but Leo started to speak again. “Now try to think beyond the room... Beyond the lair... Maybe even think of oblivion... What it would look like to you...”

Lizzie flicked her eyes a little under her lids and attempted to push past the room in her mind... Very slowly, things began to dematerialize... The weapons faded into dust... The walls melted and dissolved. The tree grew to unimaginable heights until it slowly evaporated. Everything began to dissipate until there was nothing but darkness... Darkness and despair...

_The darkness felt like a blanket of cold to Lizzie.. Why was it so cold? Was this oblivion? It was so dark... So scary... She didn't want to be here anymore... She needs to open her eyes... But her eyes were open, weren't they? She could see just fine, but it was just darkness around her..._

_But then, from behind her, she saw a glow... At first, it was dim, but then it became more and more bright until it was like the sun behind her. Lizzie stood up and turned around, seeing the the silhouette in the shield of the glow. Very slowly, she approached it and as she got closer and closer, the cold started to melt away and she felt very warm and tingly inside, like she drank the most delicious hot chocolate of her whole life._

_As she blinked a little, the glow began to dissipate but the warmth remained and slowly, the darkness became a very deep, very colorful anomaly swirl around her with the mysterious person around her. It was like a bright galaxy, colors of pink, purple, blue, and sparkling stars swirled with such harmony and chaos at the same time, she could get lost in the shine._

_As she stepped forward, she realized just how immersed she was and looked down, seeing her feet begin to float between the particles of the galaxy down below. Before she could step further, though, she felt a hand on her shoulder._

_Lizzie looked up and saw the glow had completely vanished and Leo remained behind, his bright, sparkling eyes rivaling that of the stars themselves. Leo stared into her eyes and then he stepped back, placing his hands over his mouth as he stared at her._

“ _Lizzie... Is that you?”_

_She looked confused. So she looked down at herself and then let out a little gasp. Her body was no longer gangly and skinny. She could no longer make out her ribcage and her skin was a deep, rich pink, her freckles becoming very prominent all over her body. She saw her arms and how both of them were in pristine condition and gazed at her wrists, her track marks completely gone as if they never existed._

_Her hands went to her face and she felt her squishy cheeks and reached up, her hair so much softer and stronger than it was in the last few months._

“ _Do I... How do I look?”_

“ _You... You're beautiful.” He held no shame in saying this as he reached out and gently touched her cheek with his fingertips. Her face immediately turned bright pink as she looked down at the floor, her eyes sparkling in time with the stars behind her. Leo saw how her freckles darkened as her blush drenched her face; how her eyes shined either with tears of happiness or sadness._

_Leo could see her regret as she looked down at her arms and let out a little sniffle, tears streaking down her cheeks as she looked back up at him._

“ _Leo... I want to be me again...”_

_His heart almost broke at her words and he immediately jumped forward, wrapping his arms around her and gently kissing her hair as he rubbed her back, between her shoulder blades._

“ _You will, Lizzie... I promise, we're going to help you... It won't be easy--”_

“ _I don't care. I don't care if it kills me. I just want to be Elsie again...”_

“ _You will. I swear that you will be Elsie again. We all believe in you.” His fingers slowly carded through her hair and he pressed his snout against her fluffy and soft hair. She breathed slowly as she pressed her nose into the crook of his soft, scaly skin between his plastron and shoulder. Fingers creased over the ridges in his shell as she clung to him for dear life as if she would float away at any second._

Before she even knew it, the galaxy vanished and she was back in the Dojo. Lizzie opened her eyes and saw Leo staring at her, his face turning a shade of red that matched her own.

“Y...You were there too, right?” Leo nodded.

“It was so dark in your mind, Lizzie... So cold.” He reached out and placed his hand overtop hers and ran his thumb over her skin. She slowly nodded and without thinking, she leaped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, tears streaming freely as she pressed her face into his neck, hiccuping a little and ignoring the pain in her arm.

Leo jumped a little at the leap but caught her in his arms, his hands resting on her back and pulling her close. She felt much different in the real world and not in her mind. She was much lighter, much more fragile. He felt like his fingers could leave bruises on her if he touched too hard, his arms could snap all her bones if he held too hard. She was such a fragile human and nothing like he's ever known.

April was strong; too strong. Sometimes it felt like she was showing off just to be too cocky, too irritating... And Casey? He could handle abuse more than anybody he's ever known. He was strong, and determined, but never knew when he was in over his head and didn't stop to think of the consequences.

Lizzie was a new kind of human; she was very fragile, very timid, and very weak. Sometimes it looked like she could barely hold herself up under her own weight. So he knew he had to be careful, and to be caring.

His hand went to the back of her head and he gently pet her skull, making her trembles of sadness slowly subside as he seemed to comfort her more than anybody else has in months besides his father and Donnie.

Her heart rate began to return to normal and she slowly pulled away, rubbing at her eyes with her hand, sniffling slightly as she looked up at him with red, bloodshot eyes. Leo couldn't keep his heartwarming smile at bay as he pushed her bangs out of her face.

“You'll be you again, Lizzie. I promise.”

“We all promise.” Lizzie jumped and turned around seeing everybody standing at the entrance of the Dojo. Raph leaned on the doorframe while Donnie was grinning so wide that she could see the gap in his teeth. Mikey's eyes were sparkling as he tried not to cry over the sweet moment. Master Splinter was leaning on his emerald staff, a gentle smile on his own lips. Casey waved at her from behind the turtle brothers while holding something up that caught her attention.

In a split second, they all ran towards her, minus Splinter, and wrapped her up in their arms like she was a part of the family. She couldn't stop herself from crying so many happy tears that her face was completely red and her freckles became more prominent with the more she blushed.

“I.. I can't even begin to thank you guys enough.. You had no reason to help me, but you did... Donnie, you saved my life. I can never repay you...”

“Lizzie, knowing that you are getting better is more than enough.” Donnie spoke softly as to not ruin the touching moment. But someone had to ruin the moment, of course. Casey gently poked her in the spine, making her spine curl a little and snicker.

“Mhm?”

Casey held up a box of permanent hair dye in the color she asked for. A deep bluish black that looked like the night sky. Her excitement for that was almost unexpected as she jumped up and hugged him as tight as she could, which wasn't very strong. Casey stumbled back a little and grabbed a strand of her hair before rolling his eyes.

“Oh yeah, definitely need a change, don'tcha think?”

“You bet your ass I do. I've always wanted it black...”

“Well, let's get it goin'!”

A curious look crossed Leo's face as he looked at Casey. “You have much experience with hair dye, Casey?”

“Casey used to be a blonde.” Raph said in a monotone way but Casey looked at him like he just stabbed his cat.

All of them started to cackle like crazy, Mikey falling back on his shell and holding his stomach as he was laughing harder than anybody. After they all settled down though, Casey led Lizzie to the living room and put her in a black tank top before pulling on gloves and mixing up the hair dye in the bottle. The liquid turned deep brown for a second and then black. He combed his fingers through her hair and she leaned back, letting Casey do his thing without butting in.

He squeezed some of the dye onto her scalp and began massaging it into her hairline, making her shiver a little in pleasure at how nice it felt; his fingernails on her sensitive skin. Goosebumps rose on her arms as she felt him rub the dye into her hair without delay. From her peripheral vision, she could see Donnie watching Casey's every move like a hawk.

“Ey Don, you gonna stare at me the whole time?”

“I need to make sure you don't hurt her, that's all.”

Casey snorted and leaned down, whispering in Lizzie's ear. “Don's protective... That means he likes you.”

Lizzie's face immediately turned a deep crimson and shook her head a little at his accusation. “N-No, he's just v..very caring, that's all. Right Donnie?”

“R-Right! Don't be absurd,” Donnie rubbed the back of his neck and grinned nervously, his face turning pink as he began to walk away and into the kitchen. Lizzie looked confused at his response but shrugged it off as she began to relax again.

In minutes, Casey was finished with her new color and twisted it, pressing her hair down on the wet dye to keep it from staining her neck. Lizzie sat there, whining as she wanted to itch her scalp so badly now that she couldn't and endured those very painful thirty minutes. After the timer went off, Casey took her into the bathroom and turned on the water hose.

“Wanna bend down a little? Just a little?” He remarked, noting that she was a few inches taller than him and she smirked, getting down and tilting her head towards the concrete. He ran his fingers through the dyed hair and began to rinse it out, waiting for the water to run clear. He applied the color stay conditioner and wrapped her head in a towel, letting it sit.

“Casey, I can't thank you enough for doing this--”

“Oh, don't thank me yet, Liz. I've got another surprise,” He reached into the bag on the ground and held up some very sharp scissors and a buzz cutter with a number 1 clipper attached.

Lizzie gasped. “You didn't...”

“Oh, but I did! C'mere!”

From beyond the bathroom door, Donnie could hear the snipping and the buzz of the cutter and little whines as she watched her hair vanish from her sight. It took about half an hour until Casey was satisfied enough that he started running a hair dryer. Lizzie started giggling when it was all over and an audible gasp could be heard.

“No way that's me!”

“Oh believe it, sista! Lookin' hotter than ever!”

Donnie waited anxiously and then when he saw the door open, he blushed a dark red at the sight of her.

Lizzie's hair was nearly gone, minus the little scruff on the left side of her head and the long bangs in front of her face. The back of it was cut down to show a transition from the buzz cut to the long bangs over her eyes. The color was so deep that it looked like a gorgeous tar spill on her scalp. Her eyes seemed to sparkle a little more under the dark black eyebrows now. Casey went the extra mile and dyed her brows to match, which most likely wasn't the best idea but he doesn't read warning labels.

“How does it look?”

A wolf whistle made Donnie look over at his brothers. Raph is the one that whistled, which made Lizzie blush a little. It seemed like everybody liked her new haircut and was very happy she was making much better changes about herself, like she was becoming her own person.

But suddenly, the moment was interrupted by very slow clapping noises. Lizzie looked up at the turnstiles and saw a shorter redhead with a bright yellow shirt and matching headband, with the shortest shorts on, and black tights covering her legs, brown boots barely creeping down her white socks with blue stripes. She looked so much different to Lizzie... She was filled out and lovely.

Lizzie sucked in a harsh breath as she looked over at Casey and suddenly felt very judged and scared.

“I am so glad you were able to manipulate the guys into caring on you hand and foot, druggie. You must be so proud of yourself...”

Her words cut Lizzie deeper than a knife and she jerked back a little at the accusations.

“Leave her alone, April.” Leo's voice piped up with a deep, thundering authority. But the girl, April, completely ignored his words.

“May have them fooled, but not me. I can see right through you... Transparent as fucking water.”

“Back off, Red.”

“You guys are just wasting your time! As soon as she's let back on the surface, she's gonna go right back to the way she was! You can't change a junkie!”

“April, I'm warning you, knock it off.”

“Or what, Casey? I was expecting this kind of naive behavior from them, not you. Remember your father? You really want that to happen again? How stupid can you be?!”

“ _Shut up!”_ Everybody flinched at the shout that rumbled free from... Mikey? His usually happy, excited demeanor was replaced with rage. His eyes were burning, his hands were clenched into fists, and the veins in his forearms pulsed angrily. April took a cautious step back at his anger as he stepped forward, looming over her like a pillar about to crush her at any second.

“ _Get. Out._ ”

Lizzie thought she was gonna faint on herself.

 


	7. She Is Not The Same!

If the air could be sliced with a katana, that's how tense it felt in the lair. Mikey was towering over April, his eyes burning with rage as he glared back into her own blue orbs, nothing but disappointment and anger in his.

She was not one to back down. So she shoulder checked him, walking passed him hard enough to smash her limb against his. Mikey jerked to the side a little as April walked directly passed him and towards Donnie, grabbing his hand. “Come with me.”

Donnie didn't want to be alone with her, he really didn't. But she demanded an explanation. So when they shut themselves into his lab, he watched her bow over the table, her hands smashing against the metal table loud enough for it to reverb off the walls.

“What the hell is wrong with all of you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

April seethed as she looked over her shoulder at him, her body showing signs of high hostility.

“You all put yourselves in danger by having that druggie around. Do you realize what she could have done?”

Donnie began to grow more and more impatient with every insult she slung at Lizzie. “April, do you even know who she is?”

“It doesn't matter who she is. All heroin abusers are the same. Psychotic, crazy losers who are aggressive, unpredictable, and completely unreasonable.”

“See, right there is your problem! You don't know who she is or what has happened to her and you are so quick to hate her! She has been through more heartbreak in her life than you could ever imagine! You have no right to make opinions about someone you do not know!”

April took a step back and reacted like Donnie had just slapped her. He never yells at her, but at the moment, his voice was going higher with every word he said. It was kind of scary.

April tried to find a reason why he was acting this way but honestly, nothing was making sense... Except...

“I see what's going on... You like her more than me.”

Donnie seemed taken aback by her words and then his eyes narrowed at her in a challenging way. What was she getting on about?

“You are trying to replace me! What does that girl got that I don't have? I thought I was your crush--”

“Oh my God, you are so full of yourself, April!” That was it. He snapped. “You are not the only female in this world, you know? I cannot just... drop my whole life when something goes wrong in yours. And I am certainly not a puppet for you to play with. My emotions are not a game, April. And I am sick of you treating me that way.”

Her face was turning more and more red by the second and all she could do was snarl in anger before shoving him backwards and storming out of the lab. As she walked by Lizzie, she grabbed her by her good arm and glared into her eyes, her rage melting the other girl to the bones.

“You are nothing, got that, junkie? You'll never be a real person again... You are just a shell... Nothing.”

As April left the lair, Lizze stumbled back a little and her rear smacked against the wall, giving her a way to slide down to sit on her rear and she pulled her knees to her chest, her heart pounding in her ears and her blood rushing so harshly, she could hear it. It was like her airway was closing, and her heart might explode.

“Lizzie?” Mikey noticed just how she was acting and was by her side in a moment's notice. He saw how she gripped the space over her heart, how she looked up at him with watery eyes.

“C-Can't... H...Help--”

“Donnie! Help!” Casey shouted as he began to fan at Lizzie's face that was soon matted with sweat but her skin was paler than marshmallow fluff. The turtle in question rushed out of the room and dropped to his knees in front of her. As he reached up and gently brushed the new dark locks from her face as he studied how her pupils dilated and her fingers trembled. Her sweating was out of control and her lips were quivering, though no sounds left her mouth.

“She's having a severe panic attack. Lizzie? Hey, Lizzie, can you hear me?”

She responded, looking up a little and felt her eyes racing back and forth as if the attack was triggering a seizure.

“Okay Lizzie. You have to trust me... Please, close your eyes. Take deep breaths. In, and out... in... and out,” She did as he instructed, closing her eyes as she sucked in heavy breaths, but each one felt like she was drowning. A hand rested on her shoulder but she could hardly see anything as the lights seemed to be blinding.

She could make out the faint features of Casey's concerned face and the gentle caress against her back. “Just breathe, Liz. Try to think of things that you know are in the room... Talk it out. Tell me what's here?”

Lizzie nodded slowly as she looked around the room, her vision still blurry. But she listened, tried to sort out her thoughts, and breathed deeply.

“Ten,”

“T-the hum of the t-t-television.”

“Nine,”

“Th-The dripping f-from the bathroom hose.”

“Eight,”

“The r-radio in Donnie's lab...”

“Seven.”

“Y-Your hands feel calloused and scarred.”

“Six.”

“Mikey is pacing.”

“Five.”

“Raph is growling..”

“Four.”

“T-There's rats nearby. Squeaking.”

“Three.”

“Leo looks scared..”

“Two.”

“...I'm sorry, Donnie. I'm so sorry.”

The air between the six figures in the room was tense, but soon relaxed as Lizzie stopped gasping but began to cry instead, covering her face with her hand and hiding from them as much as humanly possible.

“Don't be sorry, Lizzie. April has had this coming for a very long time.”

Everybody looked up at Raph who stood up and cracked his knuckles dramatically, his nostrils flaring angrily at what has just conspired. Leo took a step back, knowing how his temper and how to stay out of his way. But honestly, nobody could argue with him.

“It's true...” Mikey flopped down onto the ground, crossing his legs and holding at his ankles, looking for comfort like a small child would if their parents were arguing. “She always thinks she's better than us... And she's been playing with Donnie's emotions... It's been driving us all insane.”

Lizzie exhaled, her body shaking in time with the breath she took. Casey continued to rub at her back and looked up at Donnie who's whole expression drooped in defeat. It was very true; April was leading him on. All those times she kissed him and then immediately denied physical contact from him? It was devastating for everybody to watch.

“Come on, Lizzie... You need to rest.” Donnie was trying to ignore the snapping in his heart as he wrapped his arms around Lizzie and carried her back to the lab, completely forgetting about the little project he had planned for her, leaving everything in the storage container by the garage door. He pushed the door closed behind him and helped her down into her cot, seeing how she sniffled and rubbed at her eyes a little.

“Donnie,” He stopped walking away when he heard her speak. “What if she's right..? What if I relapse?”

“She's not. You're a fighter, Lizzie. And since you came here, I've seen you get stronger and stronger every single day. You want this... And the more you tell yourself that, the less likely it is that you will revert back to who you once were.”

Donnie had so much faith in Lizzie... Honestly, more faith than she had in herself. But if he believed in her, who was she to argue with his vast intellect?

As Lizzie kicked at the blankets a little and pulled them up over her body, she pressed her face into the pillow. “Thank you...”

“For what?”

Lizzie snorted a little and rubbed at her nose with the back of her hand. “For basically forcing me to be your friend.”

A smile crept across his lips as he grabbed his notebook, going over what happened today and scribbling down that Lizzie suffers from anxiety attacks. As he watched her slowly fall asleep, he turned down the radio as it played Johnny Cash, the soft melody lulling her to sleep without fail.

Donnie watched as her features softened, the jut of her cheekbones pressed into the pillow as her hand curled under the pillow and her new black hair ruffling around her forehead. Her lips, chapped and a darker flesh tone than the rest of her skin. The skin around her lips were red and dry, and Donnie made a mental note to buy her skin moisturizer soon.

There was something about her with that new, edgy haircut and dark clothes that Casey gave her which made her look so much better than she did before. That blonde was not a good look for her, whether it's her natural hairstyle or not.

 _I'm so amazed she's still alive... Logically, she should have been dead a long time ago... She's so strong; so powerful... her hair is very soft now-- wait!_ Donnie was pulled from his thoughts as he realized his hand was in her hair, brushing her bangs from her face as her hot breath tickled his scaly skin. His cheeks turned pink as he quickly removed his hand and stumbled out of the lab, gripping the notebook tighter than he should be.

Everybody looked up at the same time Donnie left the room and closed the heavy door behind him.

“How's she doing?” Leo stood up from where he was sitting and Donnie sighed a little, turning on his heel to face everybody.

“She's sleeping right now... I can't believe April did that to her... I thought she was better than that.”

A silence crossed through the air before Raph broke the silence with a scoff, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his kneepads.

“She's always been a bitch, Donnie. That ain't ever gonna change, sorry buddy.”

Donnie felt an uncomfortable chill go down his shell at his brother's words. He was right, April has become more and more like a cocky, uptight bitch and less like the innocent girl they saved their first night on the surface. How someone so nice could get so horrible; it was beyond his understanding.

A sudden thump of a staff made them all snap to attention as they see Splinter standing at the top of the stairs, a look of hostility written on his features.

“What has happened with April, my sons?”

Donnie was about to speak but Mikey jumped to say it first. “Sensei, April insulted and attacked Lizzie for no reason and we don't want her to come back! She is cruel and rude and she doesn't deserve that!”

A moment hung in the air as Splinter considered the best course of action, his eyes trailing to the turnstile and then to the door where he knew Lizzie was asleep as he heard the soft lyrics of _Poison_ from the radio.

“I believe you made the right choice, Michelangelo. I will not tolerate that type of slander in my home.”

Mikey immediately beamed with pride as he looked at Raph and nudged him with his elbow. Raph shoved him back with more force than necessary.

Everybody was talking to each other, and socializing, and they were all slowly acknowledging the family dynamic between everybody, including Casey who sat himself down next to Raph and whispered something to him which made him snort in response.

Donnie knew they were talking, but he was completely zoned out as all he could think about was Lizzie and how horrible she must be feeling... Her worst fear, he found, was that she was afraid of relapsing. Ever since Lizzie admitted that she had an addiction, she has been healing so much faster than he thought possible. It was almost a miracle that she was still going under his care...

Yes, Lizzie was still very thin and very pale; she was tired all of the time and ate as little as possible; she couldn't take a bath without someone there with her to make sure she was okay or didn't try to drown herself. Even when she was alone, Donnie had to lock up the sharp objects and dangerous tools. She was a very broken human with a very damaged soul... But who wasn't? Some people had problems worse than others...

Lizzie had a heroin addiction and was at death's door: Donnie was a mutant ninja turtle living in the sewers with a strange urge to help said heroin addict. They both had problems, but hers were obviously bigger than his. But no matter what, he was going to prove that bitch wrong. April's words will not hurt Lizzie. Ever again.

 


	8. Problem, Woman

A month went by in the sewers that Lizzie now called her home, even though she still didn't know she was in the sewers. Her arm was on the road to healing so much that she was able to go around without her sling and was able to use her hand again but not very much if she felt pain.

So her recent days were spent with Mikey in the kitchen, helping him prepare all the food they eat, in the pit with Raph, watching him play games and helping whenever she felt she was needed, in the Dojo where she watched Leo train and meditate, and with Donnie in the garage as he was making modifications to the Shellraiser.

But at the moment, she was sitting with Leo in the Dojo, meditating with him as the time passed by at a snail's pace. Every once in a while, she was able to astral project to that plane, but it's been quite a while since she's been able to do that. So here she was, humming a little as Leo was shooting her death glares in his mind's eye that she didn't notice.

She was on the cusp of peace when she suddenly heard a loud shout from the pit.

“LEO! WE'VE GOT TROUBLE!”

Lizzie fell back in shock. The shout that was from Donnie was definitely unexpected but Leo stood up immediately, grabbing his katanas and sheathing them against his shell. Lizzie stood up immediately and stood next to him and before he could run off, she grabbed his wrist.

“Leo, w-what's going on?”

He grasped her hand and pushed it down. “Stay here, and stay safe Lizzie. We'll be back soon, okay? Master Splinter will keep you safe.”

And with that, Lizzie watched Leo run off with his brothers. A nervous hiccup left her throat and looked over at the door where Splinter was supposed to be... He wouldn't notice... If she tailed them to see if they needed help...

Lizzie left the Dojo and approached the turnstile and her fingers shakily pressed to the concrete... Once she crosses this, she will know where she is... But would that really change anything?

No, of course not.

Lizzie struggled to climb over the turnstile and very slowly, she stumbled out into the tunnel and let out a little gasp in surprise.

Lizzie saw the abandoned subway tracks and then seeing the numbers on the greasy walls could only mean one thing; she was in the sewers! They lived in the sewers, that makes so much sense, to be honest.

While she was admiring how they turned a dirty sewer into a home, she then remembered that they were in trouble. She began rushing down the tunnels and searching for what she would call her family now and stumbled a little as her leg showed signs of pain but she just ignored it in order to get where she wanted to go.

After a few painstaking minutes, Lizzie could hear the scuffle in the distance. Pressing her back against the wall, Lizzie very slowly peeked out from the corner and let out a loud gasp.

In the middle of the tunnels, all four brothers were at the mercy of several robot creatures that seemed way too strong for them to handle. Some were just skeletons while others were covered in a blue casing that reminded her of muscle tissue. In all their stomachs were large masses of pink that looked like brain creatures. It was absolutely horrifying to see.

Lizzie ducked behind the wall with fear written clear all over her face. They hadn't spotted her yet, thank God.

There was a little part of her that wished she could call the police but... the brothers didn't even want her knowing where she was, she highly doubted they would be happy with the police snooping around down here.

A little whimper left her throat before she could contain it and she immediately covered her mouth, her face turning a sickly pale as it seemed like nobody heard her but she could hear a loud mechanical stomping in her direction. The silence carried for much longer than she thought possible and she believed to be safe but as soon as she thought so, a metal hand closed around her wrist and tugged her forward into view, pressing a very large gun to her skull.

“ _Creatures known as the turtles! Kraang demands that you surrender to the Kraang before Kraang destroys the unknown human.”_

Despite her life being in danger, the way the damn thing talks was almost comical. But she didn't smile as the cold of the blaster pressed into her temple. All the turtles saw that she was clinging to the arm of the robot and attempted to pull herself free but to no avail.

“Lizzie, I told you to stay behind!” Leo snapped, irritation on his features.

“I-I'm sorry, I just... I wanted to h-help... I'm sorry!” Tears pricked her eyes as she had a horrible thought that they might let her die just because she interfered.

But obviously, they had better plans. In a split second, she watched a sai cut through the air and stab right next to her into the skull of the robot holding her hostage. As the robot began to shut down, it dragged the bottom of the blaster against Lizzie's forehead and the teeth of the blade sliced her skin and she immediately collapsed onto the concrete, gasping for air.

“Raph, get her back! Nobody is safe if she stays here.” Leo demanded to his brother. Raph ripped the sai from the droid's skull and lifted Lizzie into his arms, racing down the tunnels and back to the lair. The whole way, Lizzie was clinging to him for dear life, her body wracked with sobs and shaking in fear.

Raph made sure that nobody tailed him home and put her down on the chair in the pit before looking over the cut on her forehead and scowling a little at the blood running down her face.

“Why didn't you stay put like Leo told you?” He snarled a little as he began wiping her face with a cloth from a medical kit.

“I-I got scared.. I thought... something bad could have happened to one of you--”

“Lizzie, we are ninjas. We would have been completely fine.”

“But what if you weren't? I can't lose you! Any of you!” Her hand closed around his wrist and he could see the heart break in her eyes. His composure began to buckle as her eyes welled up with tears and she couldn't keep herself from biting her lower lip and looking down at the dirty concrete.

Lizzie was aware he was sitting down next to her but was not prepared for what came next; he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his plastron to hug her. Lizzie went quiet and still for honestly, it was a complete shock. Raphael, the boy who hardly spoke to her, was hugging her with a gentleness that she didn't know he was capable of.

A little whimper left her and she reached up, wrapping her arms around him slowly and her fingers skimmed over his shell, feeling every dip and every crack, some natural and some made from injuries. It was smooth, cool, and surprisingly comforting. She could feel the heart beat through his plastron and couldn't keep herself from pressing her cheek to the hard surface.

“It means a lot that you care, Lizzie. It really does.” His three fingered hands went into the scruff of her hair and gently stroked over her locks. If she could purr, she would be right now. How could a turtle that she's known for being so gruff and angry be so soft with her right now?

“What were those creatures... why did they want to kill you and your brothers?”

“They're called the Kraang,” He responded as if seeing the question coming. “They're aliens that intend to destroy our world and create another Dimension X, which is their homeworld.”

It sounded absolutely crazy, so psychotic and ridiculous that any sane person would call him an idiot. But here she was, talking with a mutant turtle that was trained in Ninjutsu by their giant rat father. That itself was fucking ridiculous. So yeah, why not aliens intent on genocide?

“Why were they after you?” Lizzie pulled away from the hug for a second and looked up at him nervously. Raph gripped his hands together and leaned down on his knees, choosing his words carefully before he responded.

“They want to create the perfect blend of mutagen-- the stuff that made us what we are? They're looking for a way to make the perfect batch to mutate the entire planet... And uh... We are probably on the top of their hit list.”

The grip on his arm tightened a little and Lizzie looked very scared for them. He snickered a little and nudged her with his elbow.

“Hey. Don't worry. We've lasted this long, we'll be okay.”

“I guess it's just... A little different for me-- someone who's never been in a serious fight in their sad life.” Lizzie sighed a little and pressed her face into her hands, pressing them on either side of her nose, letting out a faint 'ow' while leaning on her still injured arm.

It was in that moment that the three other brothers ran into the lair, Donnie immediately rushing passed everybody and dropping onto his knees. “Lizzie! Are you okay?”

“I'm fine. Just a scratch,” She pointed to the still open wound on her forehead and giggled cynically. Donnie let out a whine of disapproval and reached for the medical kit on the side of the couch. Once cracked open, he disinfected the fresh wound and applied an ointment before taping a large bandage to it. Lizzie could see her reflection in his eyes and she smirked.

“Hey, I'm all for you playing doctor with me, but isn't this a bit much?”

She watched as his hand tensed up against her forehead and half of his face flushed a dark pink, his eyes dilating slightly as he turned his head to the side, staring at the concrete like he was attempting to set it on fire.

“L-Listen, you're already injured enough! You don't need another set of wounds adding to that equation.”

“Then maybe she should learn to fight.”

Everybody looked at Leo with eyes wide open and mouths gaping. It was such a simple suggestion but absolutely ludicrous to Lizzie. She's never held a weapon in her life, let alone known how to use it. But to train with ninjas and to hold one of their weapons?

“You can't be serious...” Lizzie giggled nervously, her eyebrows creasing with nervousness at the thought alone.

“Actually, I've never been more serious in my life.” Leo took a seat down next to her and gently grabbed at her uninjured hand. “Think about it; you could be a ninja! Just like us! You could work alongside us to protect the city! Be your own person...”

The more she thought about it, the more appealing it was. But ninja training? How could her muscles handle something like that? Christ, she struggled when she worked at a sandwich shop! How was she expected to be able to hold a sword without hurting herself?

Lizzie looked down at her hand in Leo's and frowned at the comparison. His hands were strong, coarse from training, covered in telltale bandages and tiny little cuts. His hand was massive and her small one felt safe within his grasp. It was such a small thing, but for her, it was the difference between being controlled and comforted; she's never had someone hold her hand before, not like this.

She watched the four brothers crowd around her, Mikey giving her this look of pure, innocent hope and excitement. His arms rested on his shins as he watched her with intent, ready to change her mind if she were to deny training.

“I don't know...”

“Come on, Lizzie! Being a ninja is awesome!” And there it was, Mikey's input. “You can learn how to be awesome and be the shadows, just like we do! Totally stealth, like the night...”

“There's more to it than that, Mikey,” Donnie flicked his finger against Mikey's forehead and he moved back on instinct. “Ninjas fight for honor, family, what is right and saving innocents without any glory. That's what we've been doing for almost two years now.”

Their words struck a chord with her that she wasn't very aware was inside of her. Did she want to protect this city? This thankless shithole that has robbed her of her life, her innocence, and her sanity? There was a part of her that wanted to reject this; she wanted nothing more than to watch all of the people from her shitty past burn while she watched. But there was another part of her that wanted to help others. What would her father say if she turned her back on innocent people? What would her brother say?

If she still believed in Him, the Lord would have passed down judgment in any way he saw fit, and her family up there would never look down at her again and forever turn their backs. She would have no guardian angels; nobody to make proud.

Lizzie looked down at her fingernails and let out a sigh. Maybe she needed to do this... To atone for her misdeeds in the past. For her addiction and horrible actions that led up to this point in her life, living in the sewer tunnels with a bunch of mutants.

Lizzie looked up at Leo and very slowly, nodded her head, her eyes sparkling a little. “Okay.”

  
  


 


End file.
